Just call me Uni

A couple of months ago I received some news. News that could potentially turn my life upside down. And in some ways it did. I adjourned blogging about such news, wondering if it was too personal...even for me. It's not often I run into such predicaments.

I came to a conclusion, however. Openness is key. It is freedom. We spend too much of our lives building a facade of perfection. We want everyone to believe we have it all together. Our children are always well groomed, our houses spotless, our makeup always applied, our marriages flawless.

Well there may be a select few of you out there who actually are perfect. You're reading this in your immaculate home, while cooking a gourmet meal, after a long day of volunteer work at your local children's hospital. Your kids are calmly playing a board game at your feet and your husband has just finished the taxes, cleaned the bathroom, mowed the lawn, fixed the leaky faucet and is now rubbing your shoulders. If this is you, stop reading. As for the rest of us, let's be real. And I'll start...

Hello my name is Kelli and I have a unicornate uterus. Or as some like to call it, and my personal favorite, unicorn uterus. No it doesn't mean I have magical powers. If this were true I would be spouting out children by the dozens. It is quite the opposite, really. It means I have been walking around with only half of a uterus since, forever. It means getting pregnant is hard and keeping it is even harder...

Um, I already knew that. So now I have no babies AND only half a uterus. Yay! AND, it's rare! So rare, in fact, Blogger's spell check doesn't even recognize it. Unicornate, Blogger. U-ni-corn-ate.

Finding this out about myself was quite surreal. I had a child for Heaven's sake! Without even trying! Conceived five months after being married! Miracle you ask? Yes. Absolute miracle and not only because he was able to grow from an egg into a human in half the space as your average Joe.

Upon receiving this news, I felt like myself, but completely different. A uterus is a pretty important organ. For mothers and wannabe mothers, it's right up there on the list next to your heart. So what was I going to do with this information? I sobbed, of course. And sobbed some more. And then my sister called and I sobbed again. My entire existence was surrounded around being a mom. I LOVE being a mom. What was I going to do if I couldn't have more babies? That was the question. Some days it still is the question.

After a looooooooong weekend, (I found this out the day before Christmas Eve on a Friday. Doctor's don't work the week of Christmas, in case anyone was wondering), I was able to sit down with my OB and talk about the future of my unicorn. He reassured me it was still quite possible to get pregnant and carry the baby to full term. Obviously. But it's harder. Miscarriages are imminent and the statistics skyrocket for pre-term labor. However, knowing it wasn't hopeless was a big relief.

After almost a year-and-a-half of trying to conceive completely in the dark, (figuratively and literally) I ironically found solace in the verdict. I was able to accept what I had been given and move forward. It isn't a complete unknown anymore and I know now what I am dealing with.

Courage and determination which seemed lost filled my heart again and a door opened. A very unexpected door, but an exciting one.

I will share with you a little later because The Hubs has been waiting for me to watch a movie for about an hour now. He is sitting next to me and has collapsed face first onto his book. Poor The Hubs.

To be continued!!