I decided I'm a terrible blogger and have made a resolution to become better. I blame my time managment skills which have been below par for about as long as I can remember. Being a mom who has taught her baby that he is supposed to be held all hours of the day, (I have conflicting thoughts about this because they're only small for a little while, but when they get big, like mine, you wish you could put them down, even for a minute) I don't understand how other moms have time to do anything else but change diapers, feed, clean up spit up, poop, pee and all other wonderful bodily functions, read stories and calm tantrums and still have time to clean the house, cook dinner, let alone post blogs devotedly. I have a strong respect for you devoted bloggers out there who are raising children. I too hope to be so organized someday.
Aside from my apology, I absolutely love being a mom. There is nothing in the world I would rather do than clean up those bodily functions I forementioned, along with everything else I do for my baby. Disclaimer: this could be rather cheesy... but Grey is the light of my life. I heard someone say that once, before I had a baby, and have to admit, I may have dry-heaved in private afterward, but now I completly get it. He is the reason for my existence. Having a baby has made me a more spiritual, unselfish and understanding person. I understand people better and see the world around me more clearly. It's a little strange to see your secoin the nd generation or your "replacement" world and think you have lived your life and now will live the rest of your life helping them live theirs.
I told Brock, when he was just a few days old that I don't want anything bad to happen to him. I don't want anyone to hurt his feelings or break his heart, ever. I don't want him to go through the same things I had to grow through, that we all go through. He is so perfect, nonjudgemental and loving right now and I don't want that to change. He has never done anything to hurt anyone and vice-versa. But when does that cynicism we all develop creep in? As a mother, watching him hurt will be one of, if not the, hardest things I will have to endure, especially when there is nothing I can do to fix it for him and have to let him grow.
Sorry to be a "wet blanket," (I recently heard someone say that and decided I was going to encorporate it into my own vocabulary) but I have been thinking a lot about motherhood and how it is the most rewarding thing I have ever done, but how emotionally wearing it can also be. This thought was provoked after my sister's good friend lost her baby this week. As a mother, when you hear something like this, regardless if you know the person or not, your heart aches for them, knowing there isn't a harder thing a human being can endure. My sister Jamie compared it to someone literally ripping out your heart, a vital organ, and expecting you to continue living. I think that is a pretty fair comparison. Last night I laid in bed and hugged my baby while he slept for such a long time. I am reminded every day how blessed and lucky I am to be a mother and hope that when I am frustrated or sleep-deprived I can remember it is a blessing because I am fortunate enough to have him with me.
I thought I'd post a few pictures of moms in honor of motherhood and the joy, excitement, heartache and charity that comes with it.
We celebrated Easter a little earlier this year while my sister Jamie and her baby Tyler were in town. My mom was extatic to have all her grandkids in her house at the same time. She went out and bought all of them little Easter outfits and we took some serious pictures...meaning A LOT. Grey gets such a kick out of his cousins. He is enamoured by them. We then had an Easter egg hunt, but Grey decided to sit that one out.... Although he does already have a taste for candy, thanks to Grandma Cindy. While I was driving she was sitting in the back with him and he was crying, so like a naughty grandma, she reached into her purse, where she always keeps treats on hand for such situations and shoved a sucker in his mouth. I of course couldn't do anything about it because I was driving. So while I was yelling at her, she and Grey were laughing....so my baby now begs for candy.....great.
On Easter Sunday we had an Easter egg hunt with the Stephens. There were a lot of people there so we didn't stay long since the flu season is still prevalent and I am a paranoid mom. But it was really fun to see everyone. Great grandpa Ballam was finally able to hold him and Grey was just as excited, as you can see.
Grandpa Stephens and Grey are good buddies. He was so happy to be outside on such a good day. He was trying to take it all in.