Knickers or Trousers - "Mommy Blog"

Mornings...

2012-02-11T12:39:00.000-07:00

"What WILL we eat in Heaven?"

2012-01-27T12:44:00.005-07:00

While eating lunch yesterday with Boo...

Boo: "Mom, what will we eat in Heaven?"
Me: "I'm not sure. That's a good question."
Boo: "Hmmm... Maybe chicken."
Me: "That sounds like a good guess."
Boo: "Yeah- I think only God and Jesus know. Right, Mom?"
Me: "I think so."
Boo: "Mom! I need to go say a prayer!"
(Kneeling together by the couch:)
Boo: "Dear God and Jesus, what will we eat in Heaven? I love you God and Jesus. I love this world, better than the whole wide world!
Amen."

Grandpa and Boo converse (Grandpa's account)

2012-01-27T12:35:00.004-07:00

Boo: "What happened, Grandpa?" While pointing at a scab on his arm.
Grandpa: "That's a spider bite."
Boo: "Ouch. My mom can fix it, she's a doctor."
Grandpa: "She is?"
Boo: "Well, no. But she's kind of like a doctor. She's amazing!"
Grandpa: "Well, I'll have to let her take a look then."
Boo: "Yeah, she always makes me feel better."

Those are the reasons I wake up in the morning. :)

Bug's first meat-eating...attempt

2012-01-17T16:27:00.007-07:00

I fed him pork. Ground up pork that smelled like cat food. YUM! I was shocked when it made him gag.

Bug: "Are you kidding me!?"

After I laughed at his reaction...

Eating his bib so I won't put more in his mouth.

The look that says, "Not a chance."

Fiercely a mamma's boy

2011-12-22T10:29:00.004-07:00

Our conversation during dinner last night at Grandma's:

Boo: "Mom, come sit by me!"
Me: "OK."
Brock from across the kitchen sitting by himself, "Grey are you my buddy?"
Boo: "I'm Mommy's buddy."
Brock: "Grey, are you my homeboy?"
Boo: (No answer.)
Brock: "Grey, are you my buddy or what?"
Boo: "Dad! I'm your buddy that says, 'stop asking me questions so I can eat!'"

My babinski

2011-10-02T13:09:00.010-06:00

A few things I've learned over the past two months about my happy little guy:

He loves being kissed, touched and loved on. Whenever I kiss him or caress my face on his, he smiles.

He is very expressive and will look right into my eyes when he's "telling" me something, be it crying, cooing or opening his mouth as wide as possible wanting to eat.

Has about a million different expressions all of which melt my heart.

When I rub the back of his little neck he burps 99 percent of the time. It's genius.

He is a cuddle bug.

He loves to be swaddled as tightly as humanly possible.

If he's not swaddled his hands will involuntarily rise above his head making him feel like he's flying.

He does not like to feel like he's flying.

He likes to watch Boo play.

Is soothed by the sound of running water.

Likes medicine a great deal. So much so that when put in his mouth he laughs so hard he can't suck it off the teaspoon.

He understands jokes and will laugh when you tell one in his presence or tease him.

Has the goofiest smile and laugh that makes me love him so much I can't stand it!

Is the sweetest guy, just like his big brother.

Hates riding in the car.

Loves his swing.

He loves his milk. Sometimes his bottle makes him laugh too.

Stops crying to the sound of his mommy's voice.

Bug had his 2-month doctor's appointment yesterday and is apparently a very big boy. I knew this already due to the way people tend to look at me when I tell them he's only 2 months. They look at him for awhile in a confused state, back to me and then back to him, always ending with, "Big boy!"

The doctor, however, gave me concrete evidence that I am indeed raising a "big boy."

He weighs 13 lbs. 8 oz., putting him in the 86 percentile for weight.
He is 24 1/4 inches tall, putting him in the 89 percentile for height.

I LOVE my big baby boy!!

Date night

2011-09-30T22:52:00.000-06:00

Yesterday morning while laying in bed with my boys feeding the babe, Boo looked over and said most sincerely and kindly while displaying the only jealousy of his baby brother since we brought him home, "Mom, you always spend time with the baby. You should spend time with me. Can you go on a date with me tonight?"

I felt terrible. He has been so patient and sweet about his brother, never complaining, instead cooing over this new thing that was taking up all his attention. So maybe I wasn't doing a good enough job making time for him....I was also so proud of him for expressing his feelings in such a grown up way instead of through bad behavior.

So, that night we had ice cream for dinner. Ice cream topped with candy bars, gummy bears, chocolate chips, cheese cake bites and a bunch of other junk sure to give a little boy a tummy ache. We had a blast.

p.s. Ice cream for dinner automatically makes you the coolest mom ever.

2011-09-26T09:24:00.002-06:00

While doing yard work last night, Boo found a new pet. He kissed it, named it after himself, made a home for it in a jar complete with three leaves, a stick and a grape and loved it to death for 24 hours. Literally.

Our new Bug

2011-08-28T13:07:00.008-06:00

One month ago today Bug was born. Time flies when you're in love.

July 28 we received a phone call that his birth mother was in labor. Two days later he was placed in my arms by a miracle from God and the selfless love of a mother. The weepy words, "I am giving you my baby because I love him more than myself," as she lay him in my arms, through what I can only imagine was the strength from God, will resonate in my mind forever. She reminded me of what it means to be a mother. It means breaking your own heart for the well-being of your child. I will never be able to make as significant of a sacrifice as she did for my children, but I will try every day to be the mother I need and want to be to justify her sacrifice.

Another miracle: he was mine the moment he was placed in my arms. Most people spend nine months with their babies during pregnancy and then revel in those special first days with them in the hospital. I worried I would miss out on important bonding moments.

It turns out when a baby is supposed to be yours whether it grew inside of you or not, you know. Through the mercy of God, I knew. All the missed moments with him disappeared and it was like I had known him forever.

I don't mean to make this into a religious post or to preach about my views, but I do believe the events leading up to receiving my child were orchestrated by a higher power. A God who knew this baby belonged in our family and allowed me to feel something in order to move me in his direction and him in mine. He found me and I found him. That in-and-of-itself is a miracle.

Boo grew in my belly, but this little guy grew in my heart.

Boo is so happy to finally have his brother.

Boo's bedtime prayer...

2011-07-23T10:23:00.002-06:00

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for my baby. I love it and I miss it.
I promise to make him happy and keep him warm.

Amen.

Three words: Brazilian Butt Lift

2011-06-19T22:57:00.007-06:00

Plastic surgery? No. Painful beyond belief? Absolutely. I have been doing this workout for about three weeks now and every second is pure Latino torture. I wish it was plastic surgery.

I stepped onto a scale at my mom's house yesterday (I don't own scales because I believe they're reserved only for masochists) because the "model body" I was promised doesn't quite seem to be materializing. As I looked down at the scale the little hand settled on a very disappointing number. A number higher than I beleived it to be before I began my excruciating butt lift. Yes, muscle weighs more than fat, but really? Higher?

Between you and me, The Hubs did say and I quote, "Grabbing your butt is a whole new experience." Mmkay. So that should be motivation enough, right? Wrong. I want to SEE results. I need instant gratification people! After a workout that makes me wish I was dead, I had better look like the girl on the front of the cover! Is that too much to ask?

Honestly, some of the workouts are actually kind of fun. It's a mixture of Zumba and your worst nightmare, if your nightmares consist of squats and lunges, which mine now do.

But I will "keep pushing play" as Leandro instructs me to do and I will let you know how it goes. At least if I die between a lunge and a squat, it will be a pleasant experience for the paramedic or doctor who for any reason may have to grab my butt.

Our conversation on the way home from getting ice cream just now...

2011-06-13T20:51:00.003-06:00

Boo: "Whoever talks first loses!"

The Hubs and me: stunned it was his idea and quite pleased, "Deal!"

Boo: Quiet for a surprising amount of time and for a moment I can hear my own thoughts.

Boo: Breaks the silence with giggles.

The third time around Boo: "Ready? Go!...I'm not gonna talk this time, Mom. I'm gonna win."

Me: I look at him curiously with a smirk and reading my expression Boo said, "Mom! I'm really not gonna talk, Mom!"

Several minutes later ...

Boo: "You guys want to hear a joke?"

The Hubs: "I'd love to hear a joke."

Boo: "There was a monster and a human bush. Hahaha! - Was that a joke, Daddy?"

The Hubs, laughing, "I'm not real sure, but it was funny."

Boo: "You tell a joke, Daddy."

The Hubs, following Boo's lead said something random.

Boo: "That wasn't a joke, Dad."

The Hubs. "Oh."

We're a highly intellectual family who has deep, meaningful conversations. I hope this didn't go over anyone's head.

Crazy Salt Lake Guy. DeJa Vu?

2011-06-08T15:21:00.006-06:00

I know this is old news, but the Hubs and I watch the Bachelor a day later than the rest of America because our Boo isn't in bed before it starts. Call me old-fashioned, but I just don't think it's appropriate television for a 3-year-old.

While watching the Bachelor on Hulu last night I was so disgusted by crazy Salt Lake Guy I almost had to gouge my eyes out. I kept looking at The Hubs wide-eyed thinking, "Did he really just say that?! Why? WHY!? (Yes you heard me correctly, The Hubs watches Bachelor with me. Don't tell anyone K because it's kind of a secret. wink.)

Why in the world must all reality TV people who represent Utah be sociopaths? Strong word? Watch the last episode of The Bachelorette. Trust me, not so strong.

Excuse me, did Ashley just say Michelle Money (Crazy Salt Lake Chick) gave her the clue about Crazy Salt Lake Guy? What the? Is there a small clump of beautiful yet horrible human beings in Salt Lake City who are all connected!?

Boo and I have been talking about Stranger Danger. We have watched the movie "Safe Side Cool Chick" about a zillion times, which I highly recommend, by the way. It's done by John Walsh and they do a great job. Anyway, it teaches kids that if a "Don't Know" (stranger) tries to talk to them and ask them questions while his mom or dad isn't around to yell, "This isn't my mom!"

While quizzing Boo I asked him what he should do in such a situation and he yelled, "Bad human here!" Well that oughta' do. Brutal? Yes. Gets the point across? I think so.

While watching Crazy Salt Lake Guy I just kept wanting to yell, "Bad human here!" It seemed totally fitting.

Both expecting in July...

2011-06-02T20:21:00.007-06:00

So...my sister and me. We're both expecting July babies!

Don't tell her I said this, but she's quite a bit bigger than me...

In other news...

Boo is a superhero.

"I neder get tired of fighting bad duys, neder!" *Never

2011-05-21T23:28:00.006-06:00

We are expecting a baby boy July 22!!!

YAY!!!

A mother is me.

2011-05-09T16:52:00.009-06:00

Yesterday I woke up feeling anxious to get to church. I didn't want to miss the Mother's Day songs and talks I so needed to hear. I was out of bed even before The Hubs and that is rare. I'm usually the one begging, '10 more minutes please!'

Once we got there I knew why. It wasn't just the talks and music I wanted to hear, but the feelings God needed me to have. One of my friends was speaking about moms. My first thought was how crappy it was that she had to speak on Mother's Day. It's supposed to be her day off, I thought. But how glad I am that she consented to speak because her words were inspired. I was meant to hear those words as I'm sure were many others in the congregation.

She spoke about women who struggle with having children and how all of us, even those who don't have any children are still mothers to someone. We all deserve to be celebrated, she said, because of the nurturing qualities we were born with regardless of our situation.

It wasn't her exact words that stood out to me, but the feelings and emotions they evoked inside of me. I cried the entire way through her talk not out of pity for myself, but because I know God is aware of me. I had a very strong sense of peace and self-assurance.

The Hubberton is very thoughtful and gave me a little something to give me comfort.

It reads "Eventually." Does it give you chills? Because it gave me chills when I opened it.

And the little boy who makes this mama's life more special than she ever imagined.

Happy Mother's Day!!

Boo's bedtime prayer...

2011-05-02T20:22:00.006-06:00

"Dear Heavenly Father,

Please bless I can have my baby. I want it so bad. I don't know why it's taking so long. I really, really don't. I just want it soon please.

Amen."

Resurrection Rolls

2011-04-27T23:14:00.009-06:00

Family Home Evening Monday night was dedicated to the resurrection of our Savior. I wanted to do something special to help Boo remember why we celebrate Easter.

I found the idea somewhere online quite awhile ago and I can't remember where. So I looked it up again for a refresher on this cute site. We had a lot of fun and this is what we did.

I explained to Boo that the marshmallow represents Jesus because it is white and pure.
Then I had Boo dip 'Jesus' in butter and roll it in cinnamon and sugar representing the oils and spices they rubbed on his body after he died to preserve it.

We then took the dough of a single crescent roll and wrapped up the marshmallow tightly, representing the cloth they wrapped Jesus' body.

He had to make sure no sugary goodness was left behind of course.

We placed the rolls in the oven which represents the tomb Jesus' body was placed in.

And Boo sneaked a mallow while I wasn't looking.

When the rolls were done we cut them open and the marshmallow was gone representing Jesus' resurrection.

Boo thought it was magic... and very, very tasty.

This is a keeper.

The next morning Boo woke up and asked, "Can I have some more Jesus'?"

I'm pretty sure he totally grasped the concept.

Happy Easter!

2011-04-25T21:14:00.015-06:00

So, my peeps, Easter means lots and lots of photos. I apologize in advance for the overabundance of cuteness. My only excuse... how is a mother to choose??
I hope everyone had a fantastic Easter weekend with plenty of Reese's Peanut Butter eggs and Starburst jelly beans!

Friday Boo and I went shopping for his Easter outfit. You might have seen me - I was the crazy lady in Baby GAP sitting in the middle of the floor with about ten outfits strewn around me mixing and matching, trying them on Boo and taking an occasional picture with my phone to send to The Hubs for advice? I only got one or two weird looks. Nothing I can't handle.

I was asked by a sincerely concerned employee toward the end of my shopping tirade if I knew there was a dressing room in the back. The thought hadn't crossed my mind. No seriously. I'm not being sarcastic. It actually didn't cross my mind that a store with the word 'Baby' in the name geared toward people under the age of 5 has dressing rooms. Only slightly embarrassed, I politely told her I was almost done and continued my quest for the perfect Easter outfit.

Boo was surprisingly patient. He found a couple things he wanted to try on and REALLY wanted to buy. Including the sunglasses you see in the above picture. When I told him we couldn't buy them there was a serious meltdown. This wasn't a spoiled meltdown, but a heart-broken one. Either way it was not a good experience and I couldn't give in. After much sunglasses-coveting sadness I finally decided to secretly buy them and let the Easter Bunny take the credit.

When he saw them in his Easter basket it was worth it. He was so very happy... You'll notice he didn't take them off the rest of the day.

The day began with a sleepy Boo following a trail of jelly beans that started from his room and lead to his Easter basket. The silly Easter Bunny's assistant (The Hubs) spent way too much time carefully laying each jelly bean down one by one the night before only to find that Boo doesn't follow rules on Easter. Upon seeing the floppy ears of his basket peeking out from behind the couch, he ditched the trail and ran like mad to his treasure.

What? Most kids go on Easter egg hunts in a shirt and tie and sunglasses. It's normal.

After our Easter egg hunt The Hubs made us crepes. Yes, I said CREPES, people! It's his own recipe and they bring me much happiness.

Of course, I had to document the occasion, much to The Hubs' enjoyment:

Yum!

And then Boo got naked and ran through the sprinklers.

The End.

Amen.

2011-04-19T08:06:00.006-06:00

Boo: "Mom, remember that one time when we went to Disneyland?"
Me: "Yeah, it was so fun!"
Boo, speaking as fast as humanly possible: "And we had so much fun and then monsters came and chased us and we went on all the rides and some of them were scary and the monsters were bad guys because they hit people and then Buzz came and and he can fly and is the coolest toy EVER and Buzz saved the day. Amen."
Me: "Did you just say "amen?"
Boo: "Yeah, sometimes my primary teacher says that after she tells stories."
Me: "That's true."
Boo: "Mom, that was just a pretend story."

------------------------------

Boo: "Mom, I want a brudder and a shisher."
Me: "I would love for you to have a brother and a sister. You'd make such a good big brother!"
Boo: "We can name him Buzz!"
Me: "That's a good idea, we'll think about it."
Boo: "And we can name her Bullseye!"
Me: "Mmkay, what do you think about Halle or Cameron or Savannah?"
Boo: "No, I like Buzz and Bullseye."

Approval feels oh so good.

2011-04-08T16:47:00.006-06:00

It's official! We have finally been approved by our agency to adopt! I am so glad that part of the process is over and we can begin the search for our baby.

It's strange though. I imagined I'd feel this giant weight off my shoulders when we received our much-anticipated approval. But I don't. Don't get me wrong, it feels great to have the interviews, home visits and seemingly never-ending paperwork out of the way, but at least I was doing something. Now I find myself viewing my profile over and over trying to imagine an expectant mother reading about us and deciding whether or not we are the ones to raise her baby.

How does someone decide such a thing? Surely a letter and pictures help, but there has to be a higher power who inspires and moves someone in the direction of another. I believe that will be how it happens for us and our birth mother-to-be. She will find us because she is supposed to, not because we come across through our letter and pictures as being perfect, but because she feels we are perfect for her child.

Writing our "message" or "letter to the birth mother" as it is commonly called was the hardest thing I have ever had to write. How does one express their deepest feelings of respect and admiration without sounding condescending or in-genuine? Or relay how much we love each other and love being parents without sounding cheesy or self-indulgent? How do I express the deepest part of myself that aches to hold a child and call it my own when it is growing in the womb of another?

Needless to say I had writers block of the century. I wanted inspiration. I wanted someone to take my hand and write it for me, perfectly narrating our lives, our values, our experiences and our feelings. This didn't happen. After much prayer, thought and consideration The Hubs and I were left to our own accord. It needed to come from us. Our most sincere thoughts about ourselves and each other and why we believe this is the path we were always meant to travel. God knows it, but we needed to know it. Really know it. And we do.

It isn't perfect or as eloquent as I'd probably like, but it's from us and that makes it special. Hopefully someone out there will think so too.

Take a peek if you're interested. And if you know someone who is considering adoption, please forward her our link. And thanks so much to everyone who reads this blog. It means more than you know to have so much love and support.

My husband is a gem.

2011-04-05T21:14:00.010-06:00

I made dinner again tonight. Three consecutive dinners made by me hasn't happened in awhile. So, I'm a little rusty. Or a lot rusty.
Tonight I made macaroni and cheese with the left over cheese sauce I used for Sunday dinner. I was pretty excited about my ingenuity. I decided to top my macaroni with buttery bread crumbs (this isn't a health blog) and popped it into the oven on broil. I then left the kitchen to do, who-knows-what. Several minutes later a light bulb went off in my head. Broil + >30 seconds = a blackened mass. That is a really complicated equation, so for those of you not quite at my arithmetical level, my bread crumbs had disintegrated into sad little black ashes. They were delicious bread crumbs no more. Annoyed, I scrapped off the top layer of my macaroni. The damage wasn't too bad. It was still edible.

The Hubs got home a little late so the macaroni was cold. I decided to crumble some Ritz crackers on top this time and again placed it in my oven on broil. I wasn't going to forget this time. I wasn't!

"Mommy, I need you!" yelled Boo from his bedroom in which he was supposed to be sleeping. He began coughing so hard I thought unpleasant things were going to spew from his mouth so I decided he needed some medicine. No longer was I thinking about my dejected macaroni. After the medicine he talked me into laying by him. Fine, I thought. I was tired. I mean, I burned a meal today! So I lied down, closed my eyes and right before I was whisked away into a deep dreamless slumber I was greeted by my smoke alarm. The Hubs had opened the pipping hot oven only to find a crispy casserole amidst a giant cloud of smoke.

Another crumbly topping had failed. Broil was not my friend, nor do I see a budding friendship in the near future. We simply don't get along. I scrapped another inch of chard, black macaroni and Ritz crumbles off my now disappearing casserole and placed it in a plastic bowl to be thrown away. Sitting right next to the sad remains was the thin layer of mac'n'cheese still in the casserole dish. Sobeit, a thin layer, but a rather delicious layer considering. (I had a bowl of my own to make sure.) I romantically yelled to The Hubs, "Dinner!" and again was summoned to Boo's room. My patience was wearing thin.

Awhile later I re-entered the kitchen to see The Hubs eating the rather large bowl of blackened macaroni. He'd eaten more than half of it already. "Are you kidding me right now?" I asked thinking he was being funny. Confused, he answered, "Uh...no." "Why are you eating that?" I said. "I thought you dished this up for me. (As if I usually dish up his meals.) I wasn't going to say anything...but it's not very good." With wide, slightly disgusted eyes I slowly enunciated, "That's because it's burned. You're eating macaroni ashes." And then I started laughing. I couldn't decide if my husband was really nice or really stupid. I'm going with both.

The moral of this story is that I am not worried about how my cooking tastes from this day forth. I'm pretty sure The Hubs will eat anything that's "served" to him.

We have left-overs if anyone is interested!

Hello there Ultimate Party Peeps!

2011-03-31T22:40:00.011-06:00

The Ultimate Blog Party by 5 Minutes for Mom has started and I'm kind of excited to meet some new bloggers! If you haven't heard of it, check it out and link up if you want to play, if you have a blog or not.

A little about Yours Truly

I am refreshingly honest about being a mom, my struggles with infertility and our adoption journey. Please check out my "fave's" and enjoy some much needed comedic relief. I throw in a deep thought now and then too.
I love to write and take pictures, so this blog is dedicated to both.

Some random things about me:

*I have a 3-year-old son I call "Boo."

*I have been married for almost five years.

*I own my own photography business, Touch of Grey Photography. Check it out!

*I'm pretty sure I'm addicted to chocolate. I eat it every day and feel good about it.

*Shamefully, I love reality TV. The Bachelor is a train wreck and I can't look away.

*I have a degree in Journalism and was a reporter for a newspaper before I had my Boo.

*I hope to write a book someday.

*I wish to have another baby so badly it hurts. The typical way is taking way too long, so we are adopting and I couldn't be more excited!

*I am a self proclaimed treasure hunter. I love shopping at my local thrift store to find furniture and home decor to refinish, making it my own.

Thanks for stopping by!

Let's just say headache

2011-03-30T10:29:00.005-06:00

It appears Boo thinks everything that hurts on his body from his waist up is classified as a "headache." I'm not really sure why, but it's definitely curious. Our conversation yesterday while driving:

Boo: "Mommy, I have a headache."
Me: "Really? Show me where it hurts."
Boo began rubbing his stomach.
Me: "That is your tummy. Do you have a tummy ache?"
Boo: "No, I have a headache."
Me: "When your tummy hurts it's called a tummy ache."
Boo: "Why?"
Me: Because your tummy and head are separate parts of your body."
Boo: "Mom, I have a tummy headache."

Boo, I miss you.

2011-03-26T15:05:00.012-06:00

Looking at these pictures makes my heart ache a little. I miss Boo at this age so, so much. When I tell The Hubs he gives me a look of, "You are a very strange person, and you have my pity." But I do! And I can't help it.

I miss that chubby baby fat. Those teency little stubby toes. Those giant curls. OH, how I miss those curls! I miss those rompers! If I could dress Boo in a giant romper now and not come across as a crazy lady or worry I was causing him severe psychological damage, I would. They are my absolute favorite. I'm pretty sure I made Boo wear them until he was much too old. And I'm so happy I did. I miss those babbles and "Mama." I miss the wobbly walking and outstretched arms to be held.

It's weird that you can miss someone who isn't gone. But each stage of their lives represents such a significant part it almost seems like a different person. I ACHE for this stage. This is why people keep having kids. So we can relive these amazing moments over and over. We forget about the hard parts and remember the magical. That is what is so great about the human brain. our memories last a lifetime and when some fade and become less vivid, we have pictures. Thank goodness for pictures.

I just hope I cherished that age enough. We just never know what life has in store for us down the road.

Eat up those moments!

Sad clown

2011-03-24T21:00:00.002-06:00

Need I say more?

Coma Shmoma

2011-03-22T20:17:00.008-06:00

Tomorrow is our home visit and I a little bit feel like my body is going to collapse at any possible moment. I'm not sure if I've gone insane or if I'm just prideful, but I am sure there is some sort of explanation as to why I decided to tackle every project within the last decade that has gone undone until now.

The Hubs is currently hard at work swapping out our bathroom faucet. He's not necessarily the handyman type, he's a lot of other really great things, but hopefully after a few choice words under his breath I'll have a faucet with two handles. Awe, I love modern day conveniences. That alone should move us to the top of the list, I'm thinking.

It's very possible I might work myself into a coma and come tomorrow will be laying flat-faced on the floor in the middle of my sparkling clean house while the lovely caseworker shows herself around my baby-proofed abode. That wouldn't be cause for concern would it? I mean, my house would be clean.

I am tired.

Cross your fingers everything goes smoothly!

p.s. Despite my numerous attempts to change his mind, Boo is sure our social worker is bringing a baby with her. Cute Boo. OK maybe I'm hoping for the same, really. A girl and a 3-year-old can hope can't we?

Brown hair, blue eyes, stripes, what's the difference?

2011-03-14T08:26:00.007-06:00

Boo: "Daddy, I promise I'll be a good big brother, I promise! Can we please go get our baby?"
The Hubs: "We have to be patient buddy, we'll get one someday."
Boo: "I want one with stripes, OK?"
The Hubs: "Hmmm, that's to be negotiated..."

Hello March, I thought you'd never come

2011-03-13T22:49:00.014-06:00

As I was adding Brock's adoption interview to our calendar this week, my eyes slowly scanned the rest of the week. At first it was empty, no big events or obligations until I came to Friday, March 18. There, in green glared, "Due Date!." My eyes didn't move as I felt my insides tighten and tears fill my eyes. I was taken back to a naivety about my life I no longer posses and a time my reality was simpler.

I accused the Universe of cruelty; the baby was gone, but the green 'due date' remained all these months as if no miscarriage had taken place and in some alternate, cyber universe, my baby was still coming.

Almost nine months ago The Hubs and I were sharing the news of our pregnancy with his family. It seemed so ordinary at the time. We were pregnant. We've been pregnant. Women get pregnant all the time. My father-in-law complained March seemed so far away. Now it seems almost like a dream.

After my first miscarriage I read everything I could about them. I read women sometimes feel sad at their due date. This seemed normal, but I remember thinking it wouldn't apply to me. I thought I would either be pregnant again by then, or I would have moved beyond grief.

Unfortunately the thought, "You're still not pregnant," plagues my mind everyday, but I am doing better at not letting it linger. I feel it and then move on. I still feel hopeful for the future. I am learning more and more about myself all the time and realize this is simply something I must go through and know it will continue to better me. Strangely, in some ways, I am grateful. However, guilt creeps in upon wondering why the rest of my family has to suffer. Surely Boo is not learning anything from not receiving his baby he so badly wants.

During one of my many bouts of loathsome, infertile self-pitty, The Hubs a.k.a Saint Hubs, declared I have already made him the happiest man in the world and he needs nothing more. Right then and there every doubt I had ever had about our relationship was relinquished. He is and has always been the man for me and he is the best decision I have ever made. This experience has made us closer, indeed.

So for reasons of which I am not quite certain, the green 'due date' remains. Maybe to remind myself of my ultimate goal which is to parent another child, maybe to defeat those painful feelings, or maybe I am simply a masochist, I have no idea.

I took this picture the other day, excited at the sight of budding, beautiful life. I thought it ironic how beauty is so often found amidst adversity. Becoming who you are and reaching your potential is a struggle for everyone and everything.

Donate it

2011-03-11T16:55:00.002-07:00

Boo: Sigh. "Mom, what are we going to do?"
Me: "About what?"
Boo: "About this DAY!"
Me: "Ummm, - I don't know. What should we do?"
Boo: "Donate it."
Me: "Donate it? Donate it to who?"
Boo: "The park."

Interesting way to tell me he wants to go to the park today...

I've got it covered

2011-03-10T08:46:00.007-07:00

So we are finally in the thick of the adoption process. I feel like we've waited forever to get the ball rolling since we decided to adopt and now we're in a mad dash to get everything ready so we can be approved as soon as possible.

When we are approved, our profile goes live online and birth mothers-to-be can view it and hopefully choose us! I have butterflies just thinking about it!

Part of the home study is a home visit where our agency's caseworker comes to our home to make sure it is a safe environment for a child. Ummm, I should hope so because we have one already. And he's still alive. So I think we've got it covered, right? Well...let's just say their list is a lot more extensive than mine was as a first-time mom. Boo was always so easy, so I didn't stress about locking all my cupboards and putting those annoying, I mean, super important little plastic covers over all the outlets. gasp! I know.

Not to say my house is condemnable or anything, but you know those projects you know you should get to, but they just seem really overwhelming and sorta' unimportant like organizing your craft box and figuring out what to do with the huge box of books that is taking up space in the room no one ever goes into? As the age-old adage goes, "You don't worry about these seemingly minuscule details until a professional from an adoption agency comes to your home to check every possible crevice in order to deem it an acceptable environment for children." I've heard it a million times.

The Hubs and I have already completed our intake interview where they decide whether or not a couple should continue with the process and to be fair, the couple also decides whether or not they too want to continue. We did. And today is my individual interview! I'm a little nervous, but mostly excited.

So, my peeps, wish me luck! I will let you know how it goes!

cheers!

Church is tiring

2011-03-07T14:14:00.013-07:00

My sleepy boy after church on Sunday. I found him here about 5-and-a-half seconds after walking in the door.

Family Dance Off

2011-03-07T00:06:00.006-07:00

Get Healthy as a Family

Submitted by Kathleen Thomas on behalf of Primrose Educational Preschools.

Dance can be a fun, easy way to introduce physical activity into a child's life. As a provider of day care, Primrose Schools has recognized and is actively fighting against the childhood obesity epidemic. Childhood obesity is a critical issue for young children in America. The Family Dance-off supports Children's Miracle Network Hospitals, a non-profit organization that raises funds for more than 170 children's hospitals, which collectively treat 17 million children annually for every illness and injury imaginable.

Through their annual Family Dance-off event, families are encouraged to record and submit a 30 second video of themselves dancing to promote fitness and strengthen family ties.

Participating in the Family Dance-off is easy:

1. Record a 30-second video of your family's best dance moves. Don't be afraid to let loose and be silly!

2. Visit The Family Dance-off site and upload your best take by March 19.

3. Share your video with your friends via email, Facebook, Twitter, etc.

4. View and vote daily (you can place five votes per day) for your favorite family dance video!

What would a competition be without prizes? Primrose Schools is providing prizes that aren't only great for your family but for your whole community, with $65,000 in donations to local Children's Miracle Network Hospitals:

· Grand Prize: $5,000 and Primrose will make a $30,000 donation to a local Children's Miracle Network Hospital

· 2nd Prize: $3,000 and Primrose will make a $20,000 donation to a local Children's Miracle Network Hospital

· 3rd Prize: $1,500 and Primrose will make a $15,000 donation to a local Children's Miracle Network Hospital

· All 14 Finalists will also receive a FLIP camcorder

Visit The Family Dance-off site for details on how to take part in the fight against childhood obesity, participate in the competition, and view past competitors!

Adoption is the word

2011-03-06T11:42:00.006-07:00

We are adopting! Surprise! I have to apologize because I never meant to make you wait a week for the news. My excuse...laziness. And lots and lots and lots of paperwork for the adoption process.

When you have a visual of the amount of paperwork we have to fill out, add about twice that and then you'll have a realistic idea. But, I'm not complaining. I love anything that will get me closer to my baby.

Upon finding out about my uterine abnormality, (unicorn for those of you just tuning in) it was dark. Very dark. And then something happened. A thought entered my mind that has never before. Adoption. At first I pushed it out of my mind and resisted. I had never in my life wanted to adopt. And to be honest, I had before felt slightly adverse to the idea. The thought of taking away a woman's baby seemed harsh and unnatural.

When 'adoption' came into my mind again, however, I felt peace. Peace I hadn't felt in more than a year. Peace I had longed for, but seemed so far out of sight. Peace I wasn't even sure if I could ever feel again. At least not until I was holding a baby, my baby, in my arms.

I took this to The Hubs and he was on board immediately. He loved the idea of adoption. I couldn't believe it was really happening. I was excited, scared, anxious. I felt a surge of a million different emotions. I began to feel a strong connection to an unknown woman. Someone who I envisioned struggling, just in a different way than me.

For several days everything pointed to this decision. While listening to Les Miserables, the song Fantine sings about her precious daughter, while on her death bed, left me paralyzed. She pleaded forgiveness for the mistakes she had made in the past, but did not want those decisions to affect her beloved Cosette. She loved her more than anything and begged for someone else to love her like she did.

Then I realized something. There is nothing more natural than two women coming together for the sake of a baby whom they both love. I cried. I cried for myself and for a mother who will someday, selflessly give her child to me. I cried because I knew it was right.

So here we are, in the midst of one of the most exciting journeys of our lives. Our baby is coming. It may take a long time, but he or she is coming!

We have not given up hope to conceive again. We will keep trying to expand our family in whatever way we can. Adversity, however, has granted me something beautiful I may have missed. For that I am grateful.

Just call me Uni

2011-02-26T19:57:00.022-07:00

A couple of months ago I received some news. News that could potentially turn my life upside down. And in some ways it did. I adjourned blogging about such news, wondering if it was too personal...even for me. It's not often I run into such predicaments.

I came to a conclusion, however. Openness is key. It is freedom. We spend too much of our lives building a facade of perfection. We want everyone to believe we have it all together. Our children are always well groomed, our houses spotless, our makeup always applied, our marriages flawless.

Well there may be a select few of you out there who actually are perfect. You're reading this in your immaculate home, while cooking a gourmet meal, after a long day of volunteer work at your local children's hospital. Your kids are calmly playing a board game at your feet and your husband has just finished the taxes, cleaned the bathroom, mowed the lawn, fixed the leaky faucet and is now rubbing your shoulders. If this is you, stop reading. As for the rest of us, let's be real. And I'll start...

Hello my name is Kelli and I have a unicornate uterus. Or as some like to call it, and my personal favorite, unicorn uterus. No it doesn't mean I have magical powers. If this were true I would be spouting out children by the dozens. It is quite the opposite, really. It means I have been walking around with only half of a uterus since, forever. It means getting pregnant is hard and keeping it is even harder...

Um, I already knew that. So now I have no babies AND only half a uterus. Yay! AND, it's rare! So rare, in fact, Blogger's spell check doesn't even recognize it. Unicornate, Blogger. U-ni-corn-ate.

Finding this out about myself was quite surreal. I had a child for Heaven's sake! Without even trying! Conceived five months after being married! Miracle you ask? Yes. Absolute miracle and not only because he was able to grow from an egg into a human in half the space as your average Joe.

Upon receiving this news, I felt like myself, but completely different. A uterus is a pretty important organ. For mothers and wannabe mothers, it's right up there on the list next to your heart. So what was I going to do with this information? I sobbed, of course. And sobbed some more. And then my sister called and I sobbed again. My entire existence was surrounded around being a mom. I LOVE being a mom. What was I going to do if I couldn't have more babies? That was the question. Some days it still is the question.

After a looooooooong weekend, (I found this out the day before Christmas Eve on a Friday. Doctor's don't work the week of Christmas, in case anyone was wondering), I was able to sit down with my OB and talk about the future of my unicorn. He reassured me it was still quite possible to get pregnant and carry the baby to full term. Obviously. But it's harder. Miscarriages are imminent and the statistics skyrocket for pre-term labor. However, knowing it wasn't hopeless was a big relief.

After almost a year-and-a-half of trying to conceive completely in the dark, (figuratively and literally) I ironically found solace in the verdict. I was able to accept what I had been given and move forward. It isn't a complete unknown anymore and I know now what I am dealing with.

Courage and determination which seemed lost filled my heart again and a door opened. A very unexpected door, but an exciting one.

I will share with you a little later because The Hubs has been waiting for me to watch a movie for about an hour now. He is sitting next to me and has collapsed face first onto his book. Poor The Hubs.

To be continued!!

Budgeting is for the birds

2011-02-19T21:34:00.020-07:00

The Hubs and I decided to make a budget for the first time in our four-year marriage in order to pay off our horrendous student loans. Two weeks ago, I was gung-ho about cutting back. I mean really cutting back. Like spending money only on complete necessities. We're talking Suze Orman type stuff, like beans and rice for dinner until we're paid off. This means my clothing allotment was taken down to zero. But two weeks ago, I was ready. Two days ago... not so much. I am weak. WEAK! At my first temptation, I failed. And it went something like this....

Thursday, Boo and I tagged along with The Hubs to Provo while he spoke with BYU students for work. My plan was to kill a few hours window shopping with Boo during The Hubs' meeting and meet for dinner with McKensie, The Hubs' sister.

First we went to a Carl Bloch art exhibit at BYU. It was beautiful. Breathtaking, really. Boo, only tried to touch one or two of the 100-year-old, original paintings worth millions of dollars, and asked only once if he could take the life-sized portrait of Jesus home with him for his room. I was impressed. He actually asked some pretty good questions about the paintings. The majority of the time, however, he spent telling me this was taking too long and was boring and he just wanted to go see the toys at the "book place." I am a huge advocate of bribing children for good behavior. Sue me. I told him if he was good, we could go to the BYU bookstore and play with ALL their toys. I wasn't even sure if they had toys at that point, but luckily they did. And it worked. I was able to finish the exhibit with no significant melt-downs. And off to the toys we went.

Much to Boo's excitement there was much toy goodness with which to be played. And we played, and played and played. Until I was the one complaining that this was boring and taking too long and he was telling me, "two more minutes Mom," handing me more toys to play with to keep my attention.

Finally I talked him into going to look at the clothing section of the store. I knew this was dangerous, but we still had an hour to spare. What is a girl to do? Surprisingly, they have pretty cute clothes occasionally. I know what you're thinking. A bookstore? But it's true and I had to look. Much to my pleasure I saw nothing that caught my fancy. Nothing popped out at me, dangling it's cuteness, forcing me to buy it. I did like one sweater that was 50 percent off. I tried it on, liked it, but practiced some new-found self discipline and calmly hung it back up. I felt good about myself. The sweater was cute, looked good on me and was only $12, but I resisted. The Hubs would be so proud, I thought.

I took Boo's hand and began to walk away, feeling triumphant. Wait, something caught my eye. A little black dress? Oh, no. I must look. My size? Yes. Dang it! I'll just try it on for fun. We have a little more time to kill, what else are we going to do? I dragged Boo into the dressing room with me. As I looked at my little-black-dress-clad self in the mirror, I thought crap! I look awesome. And then, as my self-discipline was beginning to crumble, Boo said, "Spin for me, Mommy. That is a spinning dress!" And that was it. The dress was basically hanging in my closet.

Defeated by a dress, I guiltily walked out of the dressing room, laid it on the cashier's table, gave her my money which was supposed to pay for our ration of rice and beans that month, took the bag and left the store with my head held low. The Hubs was right. It can't be done. I can't stick to a budget. And then a thought: I'll hide the bag. I paid cash. Beautiful, unaccounted for cash! He won't even know!
I lifted my chin, smiled at Boo and realized we had killed just enough time.

We picked up The Hubs and sure enough, the first thing he said as he situated himself in his seat, "So what did you buy at the bookstore?" He sucks. How does he know me THAT well?
Before I could catch my bearings, Boo piped in from the peanut gallery in the back, "A dress," he said so nonchalantly as if he had every intention of ratting me out the whole time.

I looked back with wide, betrayed eyes. "My own son," I thought. "I underestimated you."

Sure enough, the look of pure, "I told you so," satisfaction lit up The Hubs' face.

It can't be done.

C'mon, show some love

2011-02-15T22:59:00.009-07:00

OK, peeps. I am starting to feel a bit like a loser. I am asking for a little bit of blog love. I know you're out there!...er, I'm pretty sure you are...

Yes, this is real and it's happening. I am seriously asking for some sort of sign that life is out there in the blogoshpere...somewhere. I like that word. Blogosphere. Clever. I thrive on validation. Just ask The Hubs. It's the ugly truth.

I want to be gal-pals, girlfriends, pen-pals, chatty patties, besties, bff's, you get the idea. Just say a little hello!

If you want to be Absolute Besties, click the "follow" button on the sidebar. Three followers is just sad. That is why I am dedicating a whole post to my loseriness.

Just do it. You know you want to.

Happy Hump Day! That term has always creeped me out, but nonetheless!

Valentine's Day + sweet husband + adorable 3-year-old = LOVE

2011-02-14T21:57:00.004-07:00

The Hubs helped Boo write me a card for Valentine's. He asked Boo questions about me and wrote down his answers.

Dear Mamma,

"I wud (love) you Mamma.
I love you 'cause you're nice to me and because Mamma loves me.
You remind me of teddy bears.
I like your shoes.
I think my mom is pretty.
I love you."

Boo.

Probably the cutest thing ever, I'm pretty sure. I remind him of teddy bears!? I'm in love. That is the best Valentine's card I've ever gotten. Who would have thought it would be from a 2-and-a-half foot boy who can only pronounce about half of his letters? Crazy how things turn out.
Hubs wrote some pretty sweet things too. Very simple, very sweet Valentine's Day. sigh.

Happy Valentine's Day my peeps! Spread the love!

John Q.

2011-02-13T00:19:00.008-07:00

So, I'm about a decade late, but I haven't been moved this much by a movie in a long time. I suspect nine or 10 years ago I wouldn't have had the emotions I do now about a little boy who needs a heart transplant and a mom and dad who will do whatever it takes to make that happen. But today I am moved.

After the movie, I of course had to go into Boo's room and stare at him sleeping for awhile. I had to feel his chest rise and fall, breathe in his sweet, warm breath and touch my face to his. I whispered, "You are so wonderful to me." As he sleepily rolled over he whispered his reply, "I know, Mommy, I know." A feeling resonated, "I am the luckiest person in the world."

It's beautiful, the intense feelings we have as parents. We would do anything for our children. Their protection and well-being remains in the forefront of our minds always. We know having children is a risk. The kind of risk that in tragedy can break you. But, the reward: a sleepy little boy with warm, sweet breath and soft skin, rolling over in his bed, who knows he is the most wonderful thing in the world to his mommy. And that is worth every heartache. It is priceless.

Now go watch John Q. if you haven't seen it. After a few days, you'll thank me. It'll stick with you for awhile.

Bad Guys

2011-02-04T19:48:00.010-07:00

This pleases me.

There are many reasons why I love being a mom to a boy. This is one of them. At any given moment you may run into action figures, stuffed animals, even random objects tied up against their will, in probably the fiercest battle ever fought. Such is the fate of the abominable, plastic action figure.

There are two kinds of people in Boo's world: "Good Guys and Bad Guys." Captain Hook is definitely a bad guy, the aforementioned guy is a bad guy, Mommy is a bad guy when it's convenient, and sometimes Boo is a bad guy. This is my favorite game because it means he doesn't have to do anything that I ask. Makes sense right? Bad guys don't follow rules. Brilliant.

Uncle Mike has been staying with us for a few days while my parentals are out of town. Boo has never been happier. He has someone that will do ANYTHING he asks and play any game he wants.

Relentlessly Boo has been tying Mike up all day. You'd think Mike would stop whatever naughty thing he is doing that is getting him sent to "jealous" (jail) every 5 minutes. Some people just never learn!
Yes, we both like having Mike around.

cheers!

Inspiring Images

2011-01-31T20:55:00.010-07:00

This morning I watched large, fluffy snowflakes fall in slow motion across my living room window. They didn't last long on the wet ground, but fell slow and peaceful enough to create a picturesque winter wonderland.

A perfectly lovely Monday morning.

'Pwivacy!'

2011-01-30T13:00:00.008-07:00

Boo, right now from the toilet: "Dad! My mom is cuuuuuuute!"
Hubs, washing dishes: "WHAT?"
Boo: "My MOM is cuuuute, DAD!"
Hubs: "What?"
Boo: "I'm saying my MOM is CUTE!"
Me: "I'm cute? Thank you!"
Boo: "Yes, you are cute."

I don't care what anyone says, that's a perfectly normal conversation to have while going to the bathroom.

1.5 seconds later:

Boo: "Dad, pwivacy!"
Hubs: "What?"
Boo: "I need pwivacy!"
Hubs: "What?"
Boo: "I'm talking about PWIVACY!"
Hubs: "Oh, you need privacy?"
Boo: "Yes, now come wipe my bum!"

The boundaries of privacy to a 3-year-old are very different than they are to the rest of us, apparently. The wiping of bums is simply a necessary behavior by which 'pwivacy' can still be demanded and attained. It's just science.

-------------

While driving home today, Boo told me his "tummy hurt." I told him we'd be home soon and we'd have dinner. A little later he told me again with a little more urgency, "Who's gonna help me, Mom?" I told him I would help him. He asked me how and I told him I'd give him lots of kisses and hugs and make him some dinner. About 30 seconds later he began throwing up. It wasn't pretty. This (puking in the car) was a common occurrence when he was younger, but he hasn't done it in a long time. He couldn't catch his breath and his puppy next to him immediately became very interested in the situation. Gross, I know. I panicked. I didn't know what to do, so I sped past the car in front of me, screeched into the driveway, scratching the undercarriage on the cement and jerked the car to a stop (all of this in front of Hubs who was currently getting out of his truck, standing in the driveway, looking at me with wrinkled eye brows and wide eyes. Basically like I was crazy.) "He's puking!" I yelled.

After carrying Grey inside, stripping him down and putting him in the tub he said to me, "Mommy, are you mad at me?" Real nice. Apparently, I handled the situation collectedly and with composure.

"No, I'm not mad at you, silly! Are you OK?," I asked. "Yeah, Mom, I'm OK. Don't worry about me," he answered while pretending his GI Joe was cliff jumping off the side of the tub.

"Don't worry about me?" I thought. As a kid, I'm pretty sure when I got my Mom's sympathy I tried milking it as long as humanly possible. I'm pretty sure I still do, but not Boo. He's far more wise than I am. I just can't let him know that yet!

'A Broken Heart is an Open Heart'

2011-01-25T20:00:00.011-07:00

Today I feel like I'm losing this battle. I ran outside and screamed as loud as I could as if wanting someone somewhere to hear me and to be blamed for my heartache. I fell to my knees, crying in the snow until my body shook, unable to breath or even feel my legs burning from the ice underneath them.

Why is this happening to me? Why is this happening to my family? What more am I supposed to learn from this? How much more will I have to endure? These are the questions that are spinning like a top in my mind.

Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be new and fresh and will bring new hope. But today, right now, I want to feel sad. I want to feel it, understand it, learn from it and revel in it until there is no other way but up.

Like Boo always says, "Tomorrow is a new day."

A tale of two eyebrows

2011-01-24T21:10:00.009-07:00

Yes, yes it's true. 'The Bachelor' is my not-so-guilty, guilty pleasure for more seasons than I'd like to admit. I love it. And don't judge. It's brilliant t.v. Brilliant! If you don't agree, I'm sure we can find other things to talk about. Much less important things like politics, yadda, yadda, yadda. But for now, I'd like to keep our conversation sophisticated. - What is with Salt Lake Chic!?

Was she really born without a soul or is that just how the producers are making her seem? I'm going with the former. For sure. She's awful.

She's 90 percent confidence and 10 percent eyebrows.

Let's please talk about her eyebrows for just a minute. They have their own weather system, spherical and quick-pointy at parts. (Meant to be read with a Scottish accent. If you don't know what I am talking about, I am very disappointed.) Do they communicate with each other in some alternate eyebrow universe? Maybe they have separate eyebrow personalities that get together and plan evil eyebrow plots. I'm pretty sure they have their own separate eyebrow apartments and reunited for the big show. If we're lucky they'll get together and make tiny eyebrow babies.

I kid, I kid. She's very pretty. In a rather sinister kind of way.

In any case, bring on more genius television, I say! Eyebrows and all.

I like light stuff, just not food

2011-01-23T23:09:00.009-07:00

Today was one of those really good days where everything feels light. Figuratively speaking. Not everything actually feels light. In fact, when did Boo decide to weigh as much as an 8-year-old!? I still try to carry him on my hip like I did when he was 8-months-old, but by the way Hubs looked at me today, I assume I look a tad bit strange. And so do Boo's long, 3-year-old legs dangling down my mid-thigh. Sobeit. I guess he's growing up. Sigh.

Back to my deeper thought... Life felt light for a minute. The three of us took a lazy ride on a lazy Sunday to admire houses which make us sigh and say "someday." We wound around main street all the way to the top of the hill to see the Temple. It was peaceful. Even Boo was quiet. (This is very rare. Very, very rare.)

Boo: "I want to go inside, Daddy."
Hubs:" We can't because it's not open on Sunday."
Boo: "I wish it wasn't Sunday."
Hubs: "Only adults can go into the Temple. So when you're older, you can go in."
Boo: "Old like you?
Hubs: "Yep. But you get to go to Primary.
Boo: "Teeny kids go to nursery Daddy. Not big kids like me." (He was in nursery three weeks ago, was it? Yes three weeks ago he was a "teeny kid." Now he's huge.

Hubs made dinner, well... he watched football while I prepped the steaks, made the salad and put the potatoes in the oven. But he said he'd "worry about dinner tonight, I have those steaks we need to eat." And as soon as the game was over (perfect timing, I might add) Hubs was in the kitchen putting the steaks in the oven, (sounds strange, but Hubs can really cook a steak in the oven. I mean to perfection!) claiming credit for dinner. But his smile and all around cheerful and silly demeanor today was enough for me to be content with his delightful intentions. So I gave him credit too. Sort of, while devouring the steak that needed to be eaten, and continuously spooning mounds and mounds of very fattening sour cream onto my wonderfully tasty baked potato. Well, potatoes. I had two.

Hubs and I concluded the evening with a strange, yet oddly funny t.v. show found on Netflix's month-long free subscription. Hubs signed us up with no intention of actually buying it. We just like free things.

Life is good.

When Mom, when!?

2011-01-20T09:17:00.007-07:00

This morning:
Boo: "Mom, I miss my baby shisher."
Me: "Me too."
Boo: "Can we go to Jesus' house and visit her?"
Me: "I wish we could."
Boo: "I want her sooooooooooo much."
Me: "Me too."
Boo: "Why can't she come here?"
Me: "Because Jesus says it's not time yet."
Boo: "When, Mom, when!?"

I don't talk to Boo about wanting a baby or our trouble with getting pregnant, but he is so keenly aware of our feelings and of his own. I have never seen a little boy want to be a brother so badly. It breaks my heart. But I am also very proud of him for having the ability to think about others in such an abstract way, or at all for that matter at 3 years old. He's a special boy and I am blessed to be his mom.

Garbage Trucks and Freeways

2010-12-01T10:14:00.007-07:00

Grey is infamously adverse to freeways. We don't know why, but he complains, "Are we getting on the fweeway? I don't like fweeways!," every time we drive anywhere. Today while driving, with his pup by his side he decided, "I like fweeways, Mom. Pluto, do you like fweeways?" Amused he began laughing, "Mom, Pluto said he doesn't like fweeways....Do you like fweeways, Pluto? Mom! Pluto said he doesn't like fweeways AGAIN! He cwacks (cracks) me up," he said with a grin.

Grey loves garbage trucks. He rushes to the front window to watch the beloved garbage truck ritual every Tuesday morning. Picking up trash and dumping it. He watches in awe and giggles occasionally, each time asking me where it is going next. Every time, I answer, "On to the next house to pick up the trash and take it to the dump."
During our car ride, the same ride as our "fweeway" conversation, Grey pointed out several garbage trucks of different colors and sizes. This pleased him. However, after deep thought, I suspect, he said, "Mom, there are too many garbage trucks in this town."

Little Diddies

2010-10-22T12:10:00.008-06:00

Boo: "I miss Jesus."
Mom: "I miss Jesus too. That's why we can pray to him and talk to him. That way we can feel him in our hearts."
With a serious look, Grey immediately lifts up his shirt and says: "Hey Jesus, you in there?"

-------

Boo and I were laying down in his bed together facing each other so closely that our noses were almost touching. He put his little hand on my cheek and said, "I yike dis face."
My heart melted. Literally. I think my heart literally melted. :)

-------

While sitting on a couch by Boo in Big Lots, he looked over to the other end and said, "Mom, who's going to sit over there?" I said I didn't know and he said, "Maybe my brother, maybe? Someday Mom, I could be a brother."
That's just not fair is it? I mean really?

-------

Me: "I love my baby."
Grey: "I'm not a baby, I'm big."
Me: "You're Mommy's baby."
Grey: "I'm a big baby, Mom."
Me: "OK, I love my big baby."
Grey: "Thanks, Mom. You're awesome."

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In other news, I finished my kitchen....finally and am LOVING it! I will post pictures soon!

Introducing the newest member of our family....

2010-10-04T15:09:00.004-06:00

PLUTO or 'Peedo' as Grey pronounces it. We got Boo his new little friend about two weeks ago. He is in LOVE with his dog. I thought maybe he would lose interest after a few days, but I don't see that happening. They are buddies.

I have to say that he is the best dog ever! We got him a 41/2 months so he was almost potty trained. That has been so nice. But he is so calm and sweet. He will play catch and chase Grey around outside, but when it's time to come inside he'll just lay by your feet and hang out. I am sold on this breed. I did so much research and this is the best dog for kids that I could find. Right up there with labs, but smaller and they don't shed nearly as much. If you're looking for a dog, I highly recommend this one. He's a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.

Naming him was one of the hardest things about him. Boo just wanted to call him 'Baby.' Every time The Hubs or I would suggest a name, he'd say, "No, just Baby." So much to The Hubs' dismay (he said he wouldn't like the dog as much if his name was Baby) his name became Baby.

A couple days later, Boo was pretending to be Mickey Mouse, he named me Minnie and then a light bulb when off in his head and he said "And Pluto!" while pointing to his dog. I asked him, if he wanted to name the dog Pluto instead of Baby and that he couldn't change it anymore. He enthusiastically agreed. I think he just needed it to be his idea. So Pluto it is.

Isn't he so cute!

Crickets

2010-08-22T22:27:00.010-06:00

Tonight, my room is filled with the music of hundreds of crickets, panic-stricken to find a mate before summer draws to an end. The air feels cooler and the days a little shorter, each hinting that the end of summer is closing in. It's always sad to see summer go, even with the excitement of the new season approaching. The lazy days at the pool, afternoons on the grass with melting popsicles in hand, barbecues and camping trips. They all will soon be a thing of the past.

Change is hard for me and I always seem to get the summertime blues as August fades. My sister-in-law is moving away to college for the first time, along with my brother-in-law, leaving their parents with heavy hearts and nostalgic feelings. These events are inevitable and commonplace at the end of summer for many families, but have left me with all sorts of different emotion and thoughtfulness. Each stage of our lives is exciting and heartbreaking at times. Starting a family, hopeful, excited and at times terrified. We welcome beautiful, new babies into our home, then down the road say goodbye as they embark on their own adventures.

With the end of summer, my one-year mark of trying to conceive is approaching. Twelve months ago, this September we naively began to try for a baby. One year later, I am still at square one. No baby and a failed pregnancy. This is a lonely and frustrating feeling. I visualize my baby, and feel homesick for it. A literal homesickness that I have felt for my own family in the past. I had a moment today of self-pity, wondering why so many people around me are being blessed with multiple children and I am left waiting and desperately wanting.

My Father-in-law thoughtfully said to me, "Make sure you enjoy every day" hinting that time goes by fast and I only have a little while with my baby. Remembering his words, I lay down with my Boo tonight and breathed him in; all his goodness and wonderfulness. My heart became full again. I told him I loved him and with his eyes closed he nuzzled into his pillow and responded with his tiny, sleepy voice, "Yuv you too, Mommy." Those words and his tiny body in my arms made me feel so grateful for the love that I have, even if I do have so much more love to give.

Toast.

2010-08-19T23:39:00.006-06:00

Boo likes him some toast with "Budduh."

No summer is complete without a rodeo

2010-08-13T15:01:00.011-06:00

Awe, the nostalgia of it all....

The smell of dirt, horse manure, cigarette smoke and popcorn and the sound of clanking cowboy boots, hooves against the soft dirt and the over abundance of "Yeeha's," and spitting. You just can't beat it.

I grew up gracing such events always intrigued by the "cowboy culture" complete with glitter, bedazzled and embellished belts, tight, jeans, big hair, sparkle, fringe, plaid, tank tops, big hats, denim and leather. It's a culture one and of its own, not influenced by the outside world, of the norms by which the rest of us must live. It is a culture of forgotten chivalry, tough men who really are tough, beautiful women who are also tough and can beat up any guy we know and babies that are completely comfortable straddling an animal 100 times bigger and stronger than they.

I have always loved horses. Their big, beautiful, kind eyes and statuesque, strong bodies. My intrigue of cowboys and their culture may have a lot to do with the chemistry and ease of the relationship with a cowboy and his horse. A light tap of the boot and the horse knows exactly what to do. A cowboy's horse seems to know his thoughts and together they are one. It's kind of a beautiful relationship to me. Watching someone riding a horse who knows what they are doing and is completely at ease gives me a surge of envy and excitement. I feel like I was made to do that! Next time you see me, I might just be on a horse clad in fringe and leather.
Really, I love it and I don't mean to make fun.

I grew up around cowboys and was friends with quite a few. So I have a pretty good radar for authentic cowboys. The ones who rode horses and often. Who have a few scars from being thrown from one or two wild ones or know how to make it turn a barrel with a tap of a boot. Even at a young age I envied this lifestyle. Many of my friends had horses and could spit and cuss with the best of 'em.

My keen sense of authentic vs wannabe tells me that my Boo has a little bit of cowboy in him already. He's pretty darn authentic, already bull-legged and cowboy butt clad. He's my handsome little cowboy that I have always dreamed about.

Although he said that the cowboys falling off the horses made him sad. That might not be the cowboy spirit, but I'll keep it. So revision: He's my SENSITIVE, handsome little cowboy I've always dreamed about. Even better.

A kiss from a little cowboy to a big one. Grandpa.

My parents bought all the grand kids cowboy hats after the rodeo. They're pretty lucky to have such fun grandparents.

Cute conversations

2010-08-08T20:35:00.004-06:00

The Hubs: "Grey, please don't climb onto the table at the restaurant."
Boo: "OK Daddy. Daddy, are you my teacha (teacher)?"
The Hubs: "I am your teacher sometimes. But sometimes you are my teacher. Like when you tell me to say 'Oh my goodness' instead of 'Oh my gosh.'"
Boo: "Daddy say 'Oh my goodness' not 'Oh my gosh.'"

A 2-year-old's Intuition

2010-08-05T15:06:00.006-06:00

We have been thinking about getting a puppy the last little while to cure my baby hunger and give Boo a little buddy. I've been feeling bad that a little friend isn't on the way for him yet. We've talked to Boo about it a little, but decided to hold off for awhile and haven't brought it up recently. But apparently it is still vivid in Boo's mind.

Today while eating lunch he became subdued and pensive. I asked him if anything was wrong and he said, "Mommy, I want a dog......and you want a baby." It's almost like he understood that the two were related somehow. I got a little choked up by his sincere and intuitive comment. And now a puppy is very much back on the radar.

Grumpy Day

2010-07-30T13:58:00.003-06:00

"Today's a gwumpy day, Mom," Boo said this morning, with his lips puckered and eyes scowling. "I'm gwumpy. Call Jamie and tell her I'm gwumpy. Tyty too. Tell him I'm gwumpy." So I called Jamie, trying not to laugh, and told her Boo is having a grumpy day and wanted her to know. As I was telling her, Boo's lips started curling upwards involuntarily and he began to giggle quietly. That was the extent of his "Gwumpy day." He just wanted someone to know. Sometimes all it takes to make us feel better is someone knowing we're not feeling good.

The Harder the Road the Sweeter the Reward

2010-07-26T14:27:00.002-06:00

It's hard to know if it's OK to feel sad after a miscarriage. What is it that you really lost? Mothers give birth to still-born babies after months and months of bonding, sacrificing, caring and loving. Some mothers lose their precious babies after meeting them, serving them and loving them more than she ever thought it possible to love another. So a couple days after my own miscarriage of my six week pregnancy, I continued to ask myself, what did I lose, do I deserve to be sad and how much time am I allotted to feel sadness?

After 10 months of trying to conceive, I grew tired of those dreaded little blue lines peering up at me. The last month before I conceived I vowed not to take another test until I was 100 percent positive I was pregnant, either by not having my period for way too long or clad with a baby bump. There would be no more blue-lined pregnancy tests. At 28 days I began to get impatient. Each day seemed like an eternity and the next one longer. I had a feeling I was pregnant, but after so many let-downs, I couldn't let myself hope for too much. By day 34 I decided to by-pass another possible blue line and see my doctor for a blood test. After the nurse took my blood, I prayed and prayed while waiting. If I wasn't pregnant, I didn't know what I'd do, I thought. But I still didn't allow myself very much optimism. When she came out, the words coming out of her mouth seemed to me in slow motion, "You are pregnant, Kelli." I had to ask her again to make sure I had heard correctly and wasn't hallucinating. Tears began to well up and right then I had everything I wanted. On the way home, I had to pull over and cry a little and ask myself, "How is it that anyone can have everything they want?"

After waiting 10 months (I know there are woman who wait much longer than that to get pregnant, but for me, it seemed like an eternity) pregnancy was much more of a miraculous happening. It is the biggest miracle and blessing of all. Never would I complain about feeling sick or tired or fat. I was excited for these infamous events. Everything about pregnancy excited me and I found myself daydreaming, not only about my beautiful baby to-be, but of the joyous experiences to prelude it. Pregnancy. After a few moments of forgetting, butterflies entered my stomach upon remembering the baby in my belly. No longer would I have to feel a tinge of jealousy at the sight of a beautiful pregnant woman with her adorable round belly. No longer would I have to be angry when a pregnant woman complained about being fat. I had my pregnancy. I had my growing baby. Giving things up became the opposite of a nuisance, as it felt like in my previous pregnancy with my Grey, instead it became a right. In fact, I couldn't wait to give these things up in the name of pregnancy.

I began to feel blessed that it took me a little longer to get pregnant, because indeed the harder the road, the sweeter the reward. I began to daydream my little Boo proudly cuddling and playing with his new "shisher" as he hoped it would be. I had noticed his intrigue with my friends who are pregnant, as he touched their protruding bellies with wonderment. I couldn't help but be excited about putting his little hand on my rounded belly telling him there was a new brother or sister growing in Mommy's belly. It was my turn! Boo's turn!

When I began to feel cramping two days ago, I told myself cramping is normal, everyone has it. I called the doctor to make sure and he put my mind at ease. When the cramping became a little more intense, I stayed optimistic as there was no blood. Throughout the night I tossed and turned and couldn't seem to find a comfortable position as the cramping had worsened. The next morning I was in tears. I felt like I was in labor without the two or three minute breaks between contractions. I told my mom that I was able to give birth naturally without crying or even screaming because I was working for a good thing. The pain is good and necessary. But this pain wasn't good, therefore, unbearable.

I again called my doctor who wasn't in the office as it was July 24. My mom gave me some pain medication and I hunched over my knees to find a comfortable position. The pain immediately went away completely. Since my pain was completely gone I decided to go to my sister's house after all for a 24 of July breakfast. When I got home a few hours later, I went to the bathroom and began screaming. I was bleeding. The tiny thing inside me that I was trying so hard to protect was gone. All the hope and excitement I had for the future was gone. I went to the emergency room and three hours later, I wasn't pregnant anymore.

After crying and sleeping and crying some more I tried to gather my thoughts about how I am supposed to feel. I never held my baby in my arms. I never kissed it and it really could never even hear my voice when I spoke to it. (Yes I spoke to my 6-week embryo :) Miscarriages aren't rare. Many women go through this. So why do I have the right to be sad? How do others react or cope and does that reflect how I am, therefore, supposed to cope? I feel sad, hopeless, angry, confused, denied, guilty, lonely and feel somewhat of a failure to my son and husband. I know my miscarriage wasn't my fault, however, it's hard not to have these feelings. I was pretty excited about my little "lentil" (the size comparison to my embryo in Baby Center) and realized I am not grieving the loss of a child exactly, but the loss of my pregnancy and everthing attached to it. I lost the opportunity to love and bond with something and to protect it. To sacrifice and serve. I lost the excitement, the anticipation and the joy and wonderment that pregnancy is. I lost the future. For this it is OK to be sad however long it takes to heal. I lost something real and something important and my feelings don't have to reflect anyone else's.

The loss of a pregnancy sounds to some like an easy fix, "just try again." But it's not that simple. We will of course try again, but it's a long road, and it will be a lot scarier the next time around.

The silver lining, I have told myself, is that having endured this, I am able to be much more compassionate to other women who have had miscarriages. I understand what it is and that it is hard and scary and it sucks. And we deserve to grieve and be sad. I was one of those who thought, "You can always try again," but that won't cross my mind again. "I am so sorry," is all that needs to be said and felt.

I know I will be OK and hope to have more children and I look forward to many more healthy pregnancies and babies in the future. What a miracle it is.

Little Diddies

2010-06-12T20:33:00.006-06:00

This morning Boo and I were sitting on the couch watching our Saturday-morning cartoons. Boo needed to go potty, so he was holding himself. He suddenly jerked back, then looked up at me with very big concerned eyes and said, "Mommy, my weenie pushed me." Uh, what??? I almost died laughing. I still have no idea what in the world made him think or say that, but it was the funniest thing I have ever heard. Especially because he was so serious.

------------------

We took Boo to "Alice and Wonderland" today. He and The Hubs pounded the hugest box of popcorn the theater makes. Every time I looked over I saw both of their eyes glued to the screen, shoveling popcorn like mad. When Boo wasn't eating his popcorn he wasn't interested in the movie. It was important that there was always popcorn being eaten.

Before the movie started I had to tell him that it was only pretend and it was OK to cover his eyes if he got scared. He didn't cover his eyes, but periodically during the scary parts he reminded me, "Tend (pretend) Mommy," with a smile on his face.

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Boo counted to 10 by himself today for the first time! I was beginning to get worried that he would never know numbers beyond one and two. This would not be a bright future. But today I breathed a sigh of relief when with a little prodding from Mom, he counted to 10 all by himself, excluding nine of course. For some reason he won't say nine. Yes, now you can start singing "Twilight Zone," doo, doo, doo, doo. doo, doo, doo, doo.

--------------------

Last night we made Boo's crib into a toddler bed. I wasn't in any hurry for the transition because I happen to like the idea of him being caged at night. For his safety and my sleep. However, we decided to see how it goes. Boo was excited to help us put the bed together. He helped by screwing the screws and being in our way. But once it was time for bed he did not want to sleep in it. He said he was scared. So after a few hours of not knowing what to do and regretting our decision, I finally got in bed with him until he feel asleep.

He slept fine during his nap today. In fact, he still doesn't think he is allowed to get down by himself because he still called for me when he woke up and said, "I'm awake, Mom," and then was very excited to crawl down by himself. Silly boy.

I just laid him down for bed with no problems, so I think we're OK. Hopefully now I'll stop getting guff from my friends about keeping my 2-year-old in a crib.

Zoobies

2010-06-03T23:01:00.008-06:00

The weather was perfect for a day at the zoo. Warmth, a slight breeze and a little cloud cover. This time we didn't leave the grounds with purple faces, sweating profusely as most of my memories of the Hogle Zoo end. We had a great day.

From the time I mentioned the zoo to Boo he has been rummaging through his toys to find possible animals we may encounter at the zoo. "This one Mommy?"

Regardless of the anticipation giggles and whines The Hubs and I endured during the hour-long drive to the zoo, Boo entered like any cool 2-year-old would, not to make a big deal, with his hands in his pocket and limited emotion in his face. "Let's see if this place is all it's cracked up to be," would read the hovering cloud above his head if it were visible.

Now, as curious an animal as giraffes are, and when I say "curious," I mean extremely strange above all explanation, you'd think Boo would be impressed. You think every kid who walked into the giraffe's habitat would be impressed. However, the only thing any of the kids surrounding us, including Boo, were excited about was a tiny little mouse eating the left-over scraps of hay at the giraffes' feet. In fact, before I put Boo to sleep tonight we talked about all the neat animals we saw. When I mentioned Giraffes his response was "Mouse, Mommy."

I love the pure excitement in Boo's eyes in this picture.

The Orangutans were a favorite of ours, especially for Boo. He wanted to climb through the window and play with the large, hairy family swinging from tree to tree. Apparently, so far the zoo doesn't have much to offer if you can't even play with the animals. He asked numerous times throughout the day, "I want them out, Mommy."

Another curious creature.

Yummy slushies to be enjoyed.

We took a train ride through the park because Boo loves, "Choo, Choo's." He is bracing himself in this picture. So excited!

I see myself in Boo so much in this picture. I can't put my finger on it, but I love it!

Yes, I was there too!

This was the fastest train ride for kids I have ever been on. I almost fell out trying to take pictures. Intense. It also only lasted about 30 seconds. If it weren't for the fabulous pictures I was able to get, it would have been the worst $1.50 I ever spent. :)

The bird show I had to talk Boo into going to, knowing he'd end up loving it.

We had a perfect zoo day.

Grey is Me

2010-06-01T22:53:00.006-06:00

Boo and I were discussing colors today. He has most of them down and has for awhile now, but I've put off teaching him the color gray. I wasn't sure if he'd grasp the idea of his name being the name of a color. However, as we were naming the colors of all his toys we came across a toy elephant, so I asked him what color it was. He said, "I dunno Mommy," while shrugging his shoulders. I told him "gray" and he looked up into space for a second contemplating the idea that he and the elephant were both "grey." To make sure he understood, I asked him again, "What color is this elephant?" He replied, "Me."

(Just a cute picture of Boo on the day of his tumbling tots program.)

Resource-ablity

2010-05-29T15:02:00.002-06:00

Much to my excitement, my sister Jamie started a blog regarding people with disabilities. It is an excellent resource for parents, those who suffer with disabilities and those who would like to help and advocate.
She has worked passionately with people with disabilities all her life.
Please look at her blog and send it to whomever you think it may benefit.

Thanks Jamie!

http://www.resource-ability.com/

Brock's graduation gift. A little late, but with love. :)

2010-05-26T15:00:00.002-06:00

Each picture is a memory we've shared in his business building or on campus. I had several of his good friends write something about him, whether it be a memory or a thought and I took a couple words from each and made a frame around the picture with them.
I think Brock really liked it. Hopefully it will look nice framed in his office one day.

~cheers

Little boys love their mommies

2010-05-05T14:23:00.008-06:00

I impatiently sat on hold while resting on my bed wearing a sweaty T-shirt and Capri jeans, after a hot afternoon at the park. A sleepy Boo climbed up the foot of the bed, as he always does as the three logs on our log bed make a suitable latter for climbing. He crawled in between my legs, laid down and continued drinking his milk. After awhile he looked up at me with his piercing brown eyes and said, "Mommy pittee (pretty)," and continued gazing up at me with a sweet little smile.

My heart melted of course. I have never heard him call anything pretty. I didn't even know he knew the word. So I immediately asked The Hubs if Boo had a little coaching from Daddy. To my pleasure, it was all Boo. No coaching, just sincere feelings about his mommy. What a wonderful boy I have.

Congratulations Master Hubberton!

2010-04-28T22:34:00.005-06:00

The Hubs is now a Master of Business. He completed his 2-year MBA degree Friday, April 23, 2010. I couldn't be more proud of him. And I couldn't be more proud of us. These past two years have taught us a lot about ourselves and each other. Aside from gaining an enriched perspective on the world of business, The Hubs has learned a great deal about himself and, in the eyes of a very proud and loving wife, has grown insurmountable as a person. When I use a word as strong as 'insurmountable' I am quite aware of the amazing man I married almost four years ago, however, he has become a better husband a better daddy and a better person.

These years in school as students (I award myself the title of a student because the past two years have been a joint effort) will stick with us the rest of our lives. They encompass a broad range of emotion and experience. Friendships we have made with families in his program have touched our lives, so much so, that they will remain as such for a lifetime. Together we've shared laughs, sadness, tears, excitement, good news and bad news. Never in my life have I felt so many amazing people rally around me with which to share such experiences.

I have had the opportunity to serve and love my friends on such levels I didn't know I was capable. Recently I held the hand of a dear friend who lost her baby. I cried with her and listened while she spoke of her sweet Elena. Her heart was broken and so was mine. This type of intimacy lasts a lifetime. I will never forget the inspiration Candida gave me.

Another dear friend of mine, Amelia struggled through a difficult pregnancy, this year. Our friendship strengthened through her trying time.
I could write a page about Amelia and our kindred spirits. She is from the South and you'd recognize it right away by her amazing 'southern hospitality.' Her home was my home, Boo was hers and hers mine. We could sit on the couch for hours just talking, folding laundry, watching a movie. Our friendship is one that doesn't come around often. It is complete comfort-ability and acceptance. She gives herself fully to those she loves and has taught me a lot about friendship over the two years I have known her. She would do anything for those lucky enough to be around her, which is a quality to which we should all aspire. We both agreed that the closeness we shared is something that only comes around a few times in a lifetime. She told me those such people you already knew in the pre-existence and were reunited on Earth. I like that.

My friend Cheryl has remained a source of strength for me and an example of patience and servitude. She is also good for a laugh, which if you know me then you know that's important. Cheryl has four boys, one of whom was born about six weeks ago. Her second son was diagnosed with Autism this year. Not a single complaint have I heard come from her mouth about her children. The teasing manner with which she sometimes speaks of her boys is endearing and in love.
I was struggling with the grief, recently, due to the loss of my friend's baby. I began wondering if I should have any more children because of the fear I felt. She said,"Kelli, you are too incredible of a mom to not have any more kids. That would be an even bigger tragedy." After a few tears she continued, "You get no guarantees in this life and there is risk in everything. But I wouldn't change a thing," (referring to her son with Autism). That was exactly what I needed to hear.

I know many people have touched The Hubs' life as these women have touched mine. I wouldn't have believed this experience would have been such a profound one. Nor that I would meet people that were strategically placed in my life and would remain life-long, cherished friends.

The Hubs and my relationship as grown. With struggles of finances, school, family, jobs, we have come out on top. Together, I believe we can do anything and we have a bright future ahead of us, full of laughs, more good friends and lots of love.
Thank you The Hubs for making the decision to go back to school and giving our family this opportunity. We came out with so much more than a degree. You once said it was amazing I would follow you on such a journey with no guarantees and a great deal of trials. Well, Hubs, I'd follow you anywhere.

Thank you to everyone who has made this experience such a great one for us. We have so many friends that we will miss so much. We will be excited to hear how your families' and lives change over the years. It's hard to see everyone go, but I wish you all good luck and lots of love.

Boo's very own language

2010-04-21T21:48:00.005-06:00

"bauk, bauk yum, yums:" eggs

"moo juice:" milk

"Joe:" Joseph Smith and Joseph from Nazareth

* * * * *

Boo: "My mommy?" (stating that I was his mommy.)
Me: "Yep, I'm your mommy."
Boo: "Daddy's mommy?" (Asking if I was Daddy's mommy too.)
Me: "No I'm Daddy's wife."
Boo: "No, my wice!" (My wife.)

I guess we're getting married and I couldn't be happier. :)

* * * * *

After being startled by a scary movie advertisement I heard Boo say, "Uh, oh Mommy!" I walked in to find a wide-eyed, spooked little boy pointing to Freddy Kruger on the T.V. Before I could turn it off a "Barney" commercial came on and, with his same wide-eyes, pointed to Barney and asked, "Nice Mommy?" He then turned to a little statue of Joseph and Mary I keep on my end-table and asked "Joe, nice too Mommy?"

mamas and the moon

2010-03-29T20:30:00.005-06:00

Boo, The Hubs and I went for a little Sunday walk yesterday through all the old neighborhoods in Provo. It was such a nice, perfect night for a walk. Boo was sitting high on his dad's shoulders observing every possible living and non-living thing imaginable. Being a 2-year-old, everything is a mystery."Why?" has become a very prominent word in his vocabulary lately and was uttered quite often during our short stroll. Still, with every attempt at a reasonable answer we were stumped with "Why?" (You realize quickly how much you don't know after having children.)

Boo asked Daddy to please bring him the moon he spotted in the sky. After a long, scientific explanation as to why that was impossible, Boo peered up at him, inquisitively and asked "Why?" So again, Daddy tried to explain why the moon needs to stay in the sky. Again he was met with "Why?" I then agreed and decided he was perfectly deserving of such a request. I told him I would cast my fishing pole high into the sky, catch the moon and reel it in to him. He pondered my answer and was content as he gazed into the sky. Sometimes, the most unrealistic answers are just what they're looking for.

On the way home we passed a quaint, little blue house. Climbing down the small steps in slow motion were two teeny tiny, white headed women, holding hands, not to fall. After the last, fretful step was conquered they looked up simultaneously and met Boo's eyes. "Hi mamas,"(grandmas) he greeted. Their miniature, wrinkled little faces lit up and they answered with a smile.
Boo loves his grandparents so much and is thrilled when he sees others who may just be as magical as his own.

Boo at 2

2009-12-17T08:03:00.003-07:00

Boo is talking a lot now. He's using up to five word sentences. He's been talking for quite awhile, but now words are his number one source of communication as opposed to gestures and sounds.
He still uses sounds for a lot of things, which makes me laugh. For a flower, he sniffs, as if smelling a flower, quivers his jaw for snow and cold, says "ckkkkk" for garbage, "Ho, Ho, Ho" for anything Christmas.

Boo fell out of his stroller yesterday and hit is head on the pavement. It made a pretty loud sound and I was sure there would be lots of blood. When I picked him up there wasn't any blood, but he had some dirt embedded in his forehead. He cried of course and it broke my heart. When we got home I gave him a bath and I had to scrub out his forehead with a toothbrush. He didn't even cry. He just sat there and let me do it until I was done. He's such a good kid.

memories to hold tight and never let go.

2009-12-01T22:26:00.005-07:00

Today The Hubs, Boo and I decorated the Christmas tree. Although fake Christmas trees are a little cheaper, safer, earth-friendly and all around easier, I can't get myself to break down and buy one. I can't forgo one of my very favorite memories as a child and as a wife and mother. I look forward to getting all bundled up and searching for our favorite tree. One which is usually much shorter and more bare than the others.

I still have an eye for "Charlie Brown" Christmas trees. Growing up, every year my mom would pick, in my young opinion, the most bare tree should could find. Her excuse being, "You can fit more ornaments on the tree." I never understood why year after year we were forced to pass up the full, beautiful, statuesque tree's for the seemingly sad and skinny trees. I remember telling myself when I grew up I would pick the biggest most perfect tree I could find. No holes to cover up with ornaments, no bare trunk showing! Ironically, in my older age, the trees that everyone seems to pass by are the ones that I love the most.

Today while tree hunting with my own little family, I saw my tree, which was to be rejected by an immediate grimace and shake of the head from The Hubs. The entire back side was branch-less and while the front looked 100 percent better than the back, it was slightly immodest, allowing it's trunk to peek through a bit.

As we looked around, we came back to the lonely little guy, sitting crookedly by himself. The sweet little salesman assured us it would stand straight and tall in a stand.

The tree was marked $28, but he said he was selling it for $20. We looked at it awhile and my bargaining nature kicked in. After I said, "make it $15 and we'll take it," he said "sold!" The Hubs smiled.

Boo was so excited to see our new little tree tied to the roof of our car. And I must admit, I couldn't help but smile. It's one of my favorite things.

When we got home we began lighting the Christmas tree. A few curse words later, half the tree was lit. Yes only half our tree is currently lit. We ran out. It wouldn't be Christmas without a Christmas tree lighting disaster.

Every ornament we unwrapped was a treasure for Grey to discover. I unwrapped a little purse ornament and gave it to Grey to hang on the tree. Instead he flung it over his shoulder and said "bye!" as he tried to open the door to leave.

The Hubs tried to teach Boo how to hang them from their hooks, but Boo just set them on the branches. The Hubs would then try to rehang them in a more acceptable spot, but that wasn't happening. Even if there were 10 ornaments in one spot, I demanded they stay. And after another shake of the head, The Hubs retreated. To me it's not about looking perfect, it's about the memories that are made and watching Boo put those ornaments on the tree is a memory I want to hold onto forever.

I made some yummy hot chocolate with fresh nutmeg. Boo waited until it was good and cold to take a sip which was immediately followed with a"mmmm."

When we were done hanging the ornaments on the tree Boo laid on his tummy with his legs and arms tucked under him and stared at the glistening lights.

These are moments I don't ever want to forget.

family pictures. yes, MY family pictures!

2009-10-15T22:21:00.004-06:00

yay! my friend and fellow photographer, jessica kettle took our family pictures and i love them! we had so much fun and saw our fair share of carnies, which is always a highlight for me, hehe.
here's a little sneak-peak!

My Dad

2009-10-09T19:50:00.006-06:00

It's not very often that I express the love I feel for my dad, or any of the people who are important and dear to me. It's something I think about often. When I love someone, I love them intensely, with all of myself. And sometimes when I think about the special people in my life, I feel overcome.

I often feel inspiration to tell them how I feel and why they are so important to me. But more often than not, I become too busy or preoccupied and fail to act on my inspiration.

I often think about how supportive my husband is of every single decision I have made since we have gotten married.

I see how hard my mom works and that she needs to know how much I admire her.
I notice that my sister Cristy is always thinking about others, building them up and trying to find the best in them.

I'll think about my sister Jamie and how dedicated to motherhood she is.
I am touched by the warmth of my mother-in-law and how eager she is to make me feel loved and at home.

I love the way my father-in-law is protective over me and takes care of me and how when I leave their house I always feel loved.

These thoughts need to be spoken, so why aren't they? To me it is a tragedy if one's thoughts and feelings are never manifested. So today I wanted to write about someone, whom I have the opportunity to love and adore. My dad. His generosity and sincerity is like no one else I know. His heart is big which makes room for so much understanding and tolerance for others.

My dad has always been my biggest fan. Being surrounded by women all his life, he has learned how to make them feel special which isn't always a simple task.

My dad and I share many of the same qualities and interests. For instance, he has always taken a keen interest in photography and I value his opinion greatly. His dream was to be a photographer for National Geographic magazine. Well that's not the most realistic aspiration for a family man, so he was contented with photography as a hobby. But you see, my dad is a "hobby collector." With a wife, three dramatic daughters and a son that requires around-the-clock attention, he had to let go of something.

When I approached him with an interest in photography he was excited. He was the first person I showed my first "real" photo shoot and he spent all day looking at my very amateur and probably pretty horrible pictures, but couldn't stop talking about how talented I was. "You have a gift," he said. "It might be a burden, because it's not something you can turn your back on. It's a calling." Those are words I won't ever forget. And when I am down on myself, comparing my work to incredible photographers and ready to give up, I won't. Because I'll remember those words. He gave me the confidence to pursue my dream.

Today, with a little more experience and much more confidence under my belt, I still show my dad my work when I need a little pick-me-up, because I know he will love them. I know that he won't just say the words, but will sincerely love them.

Today as I was putting some pictures on my photo blog of a wedding I recently shot, I was feeling a little nervous about them. I wanted them to be great, but wasn't sure. I asked my dad to look at them and tell me what he really thought. I know he's my dad and of course he's biased, but he also has an eye for it, and I wanted his professional opinion.

I hear him chuckle from the other room, so I stop what I am doing and go look. He is looking at my website and his eyes are red and watery. He looks up at me and says, "You are just so good." I have never received such a sincere compliment. "Some of these pictures are heart-wrenching. I'm sobbing like a baby!" he said with an embarrassed laugh. "And your writing! Your writing is so funny! I could look at these all day. Now get outta' here." And he continued looking at my photos.

I heard him clear his throat a couple more times. I hope everyone has a chance to get a pat on the back with such sincerity. Yes, he's my dad, but he really meant what he said and I could tell.

That's the kind of mom I want to be to Boo. I don't want him to ever doubt that I am proud of him. I think we forget that words really do mean a lot. Whomever came up with the saying "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me," was totally off. Sometimes words can mean the most.

So go and tell someone you love how you feel about them. It may just mean the world to them at that very moment.

mama bear and baby bear

2009-10-01T22:18:00.005-06:00

Today, Boo and I made a fort in the living room with our kitchen chairs and blankets. Boo was so excited and brought as many toys into our "cave" as he could fit.

We spent all afternoon in our cave reading stories and making shapes and animals with a flashlight. We ate lunch in there too. As it turns out, caves aren't very good for eating lunch. There are too many distractions. While we were eating, I told him I was the mamma bear and he was my baby bear. He smiled and said, "yeah."

We left the fort up all day and Boo was excited to show Daddy. He pointed at it and and led The Hubs in to give him a little tour. All three of us squooshed together in the fort and read our bedtime stories. Boo thought that was pretty cool and decided he wanted to sleep in it.

I told him it would be there in the morning. (That was the only way to get him to come out.) So I currently have three chairs and about 14 blankets taking over my living room and who knows how many toys. And I LOVE it! We had so much fun together today!

*Yesterday morning while I was kneeling down zipping his pants up he stood still for a second, looked at me and caressed my face twice. It was the sweetest thing that has ever happened to me. Just such a sincere gesture of love. That's what I love so much about children is their pure and sincere love.

Earlier that same morning I went and got him and put him in bed with me for a little bit (so I could sleep a little bit longer). It was dark and he was being pretty good, just laying there relaxing. He suddenly got a little restless and was trying to find my face in the dark. Finally he found it and cupped it with both hands and blindly leaned over and gave me a big, opened-mouth kiss. Then went back to being still and quiet. It melted my heart.

One more :)
The day before yesterday Boo got a little scratch on his leg. Whenever he gets hurt he says "bite!" He thinks things are biting him all the time, poor guy. Anyway he was sitting on the floor by my feet, while I was at the kitchen sink and he was saying "Bite, Mamma!" So I said, "Oh I need to give it a kiss," and he leaned over, kissed his leg, got up and went to play.

Mid-day prayer

2009-09-25T11:00:00.006-06:00

Boo just climbed up on a chair at the kitchen table, folded his arms and started praying in his cute little soft "prayer voice."

I was checking my e-mail with my back to him and I turned around to see what he was saying and saw him leaning his folded arms against the table with his head rested on them and realized he was saying a prayer. So I folded my arms and we had a little mid-day prayer. I heard the words "mama" mentioned quite a few times. He must have been inspired.
I love my sweet little guy so much.

A Serious Case of the "No's!"

2009-09-09T19:51:00.007-06:00

Boo is growing up and asserting his independence like no one's business. He used to be my agreeable little man, but now I find myself bidding farewell to the days of mommy's little helper, kisses whenever I want and, well, all-around easiness.

OK, so I may be being a bit dramatic, but after hearing the word "no" or "nah" after every single question, even when he means "yes" will make any grounded woman crazy. No matter what pleasant or non-pleasant question I ask him, even , "Do you want to eat a cookie - while swimming in pudding - in Disneyland?" is answered with "no - yeah." Yes, he is growing up and showing me he has options and opinions and they don't always coincide with my own. He is challenging me in more ways than one, but ironically, I find myself adoring him more every day.

------------

Along with his onset of the dreaded "terrible two's" his most recent milestones include:
Jumping with both feet off the ground. He used to run everywhere he goes, now he hops. It's probably the cutest thing I've ever seen.
*He started jumping at about 18 months.

-----------

He's learning his letters. His favorites include "B, M, P, D, S, L, O, H." He'll tell you what they say if you ask him. Unless he doesn't feel like it then he'll say "nah." I let him watch a show per day and "Letter Factory" is his favorite. He also loves "Charlotte's Web."

goodbye golden locks - hello little boy.

2009-08-17T16:35:00.003-06:00

i held on to boo's long curly hair as long as i possibly could despite all the complaining i received about it being too long and wild (you know who you are.:) he hates to have his hair combed and so i let it do pretty much whatever it wanted (and i also like the natural look. i can't lie.) but it eventually turned into a mop on the top of his head, so i had no other choice.

she cut it a little shorter than i anticipated. i am still mourning his curls. he does look pretty dang handsome now, i have to admit. just much, much older.

on a side note: this is grey helping me with the laundry. he is indeed extremely helpful around the house. it only took me about two hours longer than it would have without him. (we had to stop and play hide-and-seek in the middle of folding.)

he sees me shake the wrinkles out of the clothes before i fold them, so he thinks he has to continually shake the clothes.

this is grey hiding from me while playing hide-and-seek. he has one hiding spot and it's in between the wall and the shelf in the living room. he thinks he disappears whenever he is in there.

justice

2009-08-13T09:06:00.006-06:00

This morning Boo wanted a "nana" for breakfast. I broke one in half and gave it to him. After shoving the entire thing into his mouth at once, he said "nana" and signed "more." So I happily gave him the other half. Knowing I was taking a big risk with him right by my feet, but assuring myself he was occupied with his "nana," I tried to sneak a Godiva chocolate. I love chocolate in the morning. I swear to you it calls my name.

As soon as he notice the unopened chocolate in my hands he reached for it saying "eh, eh, eh!" I pointed at his banana and said, "that one is yours, this one is mommy's." I actually saw the light bulb go off in his head. He bolted right to the garbage to throw away his banana. He knew exactly how to make that chocolate his.

I quickly put the chocolate down and backed up with my hands in the air, retreating, "Ok, you win, it's bye, bye, eat your banana." As soon as he saw me put the chocolate down, he was quickly satisfied and began eating his banana.

A few cute things.. 21 months

2009-08-12T22:44:00.005-06:00

Boo and I were sitting on the grass in front of our house when I noticed one of those weeds that you blow on and all the tiny petals float away ( i hate that I can't think of what those are called!) Anyway I told him to go pick it and blow on it and the next thing I know, he is walking up to me with his tongue out, disgusted and a mouth full of white cotton. He apparently thinks "blow" means "eat."

He helped me with laundry today, but putting all my underwear over his head. And when I asked him to put my laundry on my bed, he went and dropped it in his crib. I guess he just heard "bed."

For the past couple of weeks he has been saying his name when you ask. He says "Jay, Jay," and points to himself. (His cousins call him "Grey, Grey.")

a couple more...

2009-07-28T09:52:00.000-06:00

2009-07-27T14:53:00.004-06:00

These are some of Boo's 18-month pictures. I just now had time to edit them, so I thought I'd post a few.

Lagoon

2009-07-23T22:19:00.004-06:00

We just got home from Lagoon and the heat. I now feel like I need to take four or five showers. What is it about Lagoon that makes you feel like you have spent an entire week homeless?

We did have fun. Boo loves the rides. Immediately after each ride he does the "more" sign and attempts to break back on to the ride by running furiously IN the exit. It didn't work out for him. Not once. But he kept trying. His favorite rides were the space ships because they go fast. He has no fear. We took him on the log ride and despite the terrified look on his face the entire way down the hill, he insisted on "more."

The Hubs'mom took Grey around for a bit so The Hubs and I could ride a few roller coasters. The nostalgia of Lagoon brought out the kids in us and we giggled and giggled during the rides. A well spent day.

Lazy mommy

2009-07-23T08:53:00.004-06:00

When Boo woke up this morning, Brock had to go get him - I couldn't move. I seriously felt like a brick. I could barely open my eyes, let alone get out of bed.

The Hubs brought him in to me after repeated "Mamma, mamma, mamma." Being the lazy brick that I was I just laid there with my eyes shut while he laid his head on my chest and stared up at me. It was Heaven. I love when Boo will snuggle with me. After a few minutes he finally said, "Mamma? Hi. Mamma?... Morning." (in a soft little sing-songy voice.)

It was the first time he has ever said that word (Morning). He said it in the exact tone I say to him every morning. At first I didn't recognize exactly what he was saying. He said it again, in the same soft voice and I opened my eyes and replied, "Good morning!" He smiled big, very pleased with himself at knowing exactly what to do to get his lazy mom out of bed.

It made my whole day. Ahhhh, I love him.

summer lovin'

2009-05-21T21:37:00.006-06:00

Tuesday was a spontaneous pool party on grandma's driveway. It was hot, the kids were restless, it was time to break out the plastic, $10, Wal-Mart special. It doesn't take much to please kids - water, sunshine and toasty pavement to warm up on.

Boo had so much fun playing with his cousins. He was enthralled with the water coming out of the magic, green tube. He suffered from a love-hate relationship with it trying to use it as a drinking fountain, while avoiding any other body part to be submerged. (Note the picture where he is gasping for breath from it splashing on his chest. Awwwe, my little Ethiopian.)
His diaper became so soggy, it had to come off. This made him happy.

What a fun day.

Just a couple random stories. Read on if you wish, if not, don't. :)

Boo is at such a fabulous age right now. He is picking up so many new words and can communicate with me so well. He's my best little buddy. He LOVES books and can sit and listen to them forever. His favorites right now are "Twins and Piggies."
"Twins has a page that shows the two babies crying because they spilled their ice cream and every time we get to that page, Boo starts fake crying. Sympathy cries, if you will. It's my very favorite thing. We brought the book to church with us on Sunday. Boo was sitting on a couple's lap in a pew to the side of us and they were reading the book to him. We look over and see Boo with a very sad face, shaking his head and making his fake cry sounds. We thought that was pretty funny.

Now, I'm not an advocate and signing for children unless they are hearing impaired, because I believe it can delay their speech, but I taught Boo the sign for more, so he would no longer need to throw tantrums to get my attention or say "Eh, eh, eh," every 43 seconds. This sign, to Boo, means "I want." So whenever he wants something he signs "More." It has made me very happy, and melts my heart whenever he does it.

Another California post. Don't worry, there will be more! :)

2009-05-16T11:35:00.005-06:00

Boo met the Incredibles in California Adventure and it's important they know he's tough too.

M.I.C.K.E.Y. M.O.U.S.E!

2009-05-11T21:26:00.007-06:00

I finally talked The into taking Boo and me to Disneyland! It really is THE happiest place on earth! Especially when you don't have to wait in line. That's right, five minute lines, my friends! We had several things working in our favor: terrible economy, swine flu and school was still in session. :)
We invited our friends, the Knights along. Joe is in The Hubs' MBA program. They have a little baby girl, a couple months younger than Boo.

Boo had such a blast! It was a whole new experience to bring my own son to meet Mickey. In fact, he really couldn't get enough of Mickey. Every time we'd go into a shop he'd grab as many Mickeys off the shelves as he could and give them a tight "squeeze." He was such a good boy and put them away when we were done in the store. We asked him nicely, and he would gently (which is an adjective of which he generally doesn't know the meaning) and would tell them "bye, bye."
He didn't cry or beg for anything. So of course we got him his own little Mickey for being so good. And he still hasn't put it down.
He is very polite and tells everyone and thing "bye, bye." Every time we got off a ride he made sure to tell it bye. I didn't know you were supposed to do that. Where are my manners!

Boo's favorite ride was "It's A Small World." He thought it was very cool. We took him on it a second time and just walking to the ride he started making very excited noises.

His other favorite was "Finding Nemo." When the ride started he said "WOW!" in a really soft, little voice, with his tiny hand pressed up against the small window as he peered out. It was a highlight of my life.

Toon Town was also a hit. There were so many cars to drive and so little time. It was almost like he wasn't having fun while playing on the cars because he was so nervous someone was going to take him off. And we did. And he didn't like it. One bit. Notice the only crying picture. Can you believe we wouldn't let him drive us home?? We're really mean, parents.

We met up with my sister and her family. Unbeknown to us, we planned Disneyland trips for the same day. Really weird. But I'm sure glad we did!

We loved our beach days. The first day of our trip we went to Venice Beach, also known as "muscle beach." It was pretty sweet. We saw some very interesting folk. Boo loved the water and the sand. The water was cold, but of course The Hubs had to dive into it and catch a few waves, even though he could barely breath. Boo didn't seem to mind the temperature of the water too much either. He liked when it washed up on his feet.

The second to last day we went to New Port Beach, which is pretty opposite to Venice Beach. It was a little more ritzy and smelled a little less like marijuana.
The Hubs, Boo and I climbed some huge coral rocks and explored some tunnels. Boo even let a little crab walk on his hand. He giggled.

We had such a great time. Mostly Grey just loved that every day, first thing, we went "bye, bye." That's what he wants to do every day. Get his shoes, put them on, go "bye, bye." He doesn't understand now why we don't start riding rides at 10 a.m. poor kid. who am i kidding, i don't either.

yay for The Hubs! and me! and yay Boo!

2009-04-17T10:22:00.005-06:00

We can all take a sigh of relief, especially The Hubs. The Hubs' hard work and dedication to finding an internship have finally come into fruition. He received an offer! Wahoo! He will be working for Ensign Peak Advisers in Salt Lake. It is the LDS church headquarters, where they handle their money and investments. Brock will be working in the same building as the apostles of the church. He will be rubbing shoulders with a very elite group of business people and his experience will be invaluable.

This internship couldn't be more perfect for him. His focus has always been investments, which is exactly what he'll be doing and he is thrilled to be working for the church.

It has been a hard year for the economy, making it a very hard year for MBA students. This year only about 60% of BYU MBA's have been placed for jobs and internships, while last year placement was at around 95%.

The Hubs has been working extremely hard all year, networking, researching companies and interviewing, all while trying to stay on top of his school work. The job search has been a very frustrating, grueling yet humbling process.

He maintained a good attitude and never became overly discouraged and it paid off.
It has truly been a learning experience for both of us. As the year crept closer and closer to its end, we began to feel more and more pressure and maybe a little panic. :) But The Hubs remained hopeful and determined. Things usually come quite easily to Brock, (which can be a little annoying to me, because in my case it's pretty much the opposite)and I think he has been humbled by this experience. We both have.
So now we have a life lesson and an internship! :)

Everything has worked out exactly how it was supposed to. We had to wait all year, but The Hubs couldn't be happier with his opportunity.

So congratulations The Hubs. Thank you for all your hard, hard work and for never giving up. Boo and I are so proud of you!
The day he received his formal offer, he brought me home a dozen roses and chocolate covered strawberries. Awwwe. I'm a lucky gal.

I just don't understand why it took him so long to get his ideal internship....just look at him.

Brock took this picture with my camera, to be funny. Well, I guess the joke's on him. :)
Seriously though, will someone please tell him to stop pulling that face? It frightens me.

Weird Boy (you have to sing this and it's important that you sing "weird" in a high pitched voice).

2009-04-16T11:55:00.008-06:00

This is my son in the morning, dazed an confused, his hair all disheveled and is jonesn' for some "juiccccce."
OK, to be honest, he's really happy in the morning and is probably more energetic in the morning than the rest of the day, I just happened to catch a very confused expression. And his hair? Well that's another story....eh, em, Monte! (Those pictures will come later. wink.)

It is true. I'll be the first to admit that my son is a little weird. Like mother, like son, I guess. If you're not a little crazy then you're boring. That's what I always say. :)

For instance:

Yes, those are S.O.S pads. And yes, they do belong in a pan.

Boo mops the floor wearing snow boots!... i kid. i kid. That is me. :) Now you're singing "weird girl." Well, Boo makes me wear my snow boots whenever I mop the floor....and I'm thinking this is why: I keep my snow boots right next to the door in the kitchen for snowy days, like today (unfortunately!). So whenever I mop I move everything out of the kitchen, including the boots. He sees me do this and then decides I must wear them. So he brings them to me and makes me put them on. Today I tried taking them off and he just stared at them. I begin cleaning again and I see him with a boot in each hand walking toward me saying "buttttssss." So I wear them. I feel a little silly, but I wear them. :)

sweaty egg hands

2009-04-06T21:56:00.017-06:00

My girlfriend Brittany and I took a much needed girl's trip to St. George. It was rejuvenating, but more importantly hilarious. We stayed with Britt's adorable high school friend, Anne. We had a fabulous time together and laughed pretty much the entire time. Awwwwe, girlfriends are such a necessity!

Britt tagged along my photo shoots with me and snapped a few pictures of her own.
We drove to Vegas Saturday and met my friend from high school and college roommate, Molly. It was so good to see her after so long! We chatted it up and it felt like no time had gone by since we saw each other last.

We got sexy and sassy make-overs at Sephora's, did some shopping and ate at the Cheesecake Factory.

The drive back to Vegas that night consisted of a Mad Libs marathon (my favorite game ever! I'm a total geek) and lots and lots of laughing.

The trip was so relaxing and I honestly feel like I came back motivated to be a better wife and mother. Along with the laughing and silliness, we had some really good heart-to-hearts that sometimes you can only have with good girlfriends.
I missed Brock and Grey soooo much. It was so hard to leave Grey, but it was so fun to come home to him too. He literally ran to me when I opened the door and gave me a long, tight hug and kiss. He then proceeded to show me how "tough" he is. (He learned that trick while I was gone.)

Thanks Britt, Anne and Molly for a fantastic trip! Luvs! Check out Britts blog for some funny lil' stories from our trip.

on our way to vegas! (some of the pics are a little truncated. sorry. :(

Din-din

weird thingy that chased molly down the mall.

scaling mountains. really.

happy fooling!

2009-04-02T10:52:00.003-06:00

I've always loved April Fool's Day. I just really like a good joke. So I decided to play one on The Hubs. My plotting began very innocently with a silly meal plan consisting of dessert for dinner and dinner for dessert, but later became a little more sinister. My only defense: well I have none. The Hubs just said jokingly (kind of), "You're a terrible person," when I said "Just kidding, April Fool's!"
"I'll laugh about this someday," he said. Ooops.

Dinner! Fish sticks, (a little on the burned side) black berries, raspberries, and mashed potatoes and gravy.

Dessert: yummy cake with vanilla frosting and cherries on top.

I kid, I kid. Dinner was really double layered meatloaf frosted with mashed potatoes and gravy and topped with halved tomatoes, green onions and ketchup.
And, dessert was twix covered in roasted coconut (in my case, burned coconut) candy berries and vanilla ice cream topped with caramel.

OK, so the pictures kind of stink, but it was fun and Grey seemed to like it!

As for the more "sinister" part of the day: I had my friend who is pregnant take a pregnancy test for me so I could tell The Hubs, "Surprise! I'm pregnant! With ANOTHER unplanned baby!"

So after I was done frosting my meatloaf...hehe, I told The Hubs I had been feeling weird, so I bought a pregnancy test. (This is pretty normal at our house. We basically have to budget for monthly pregnancy tests. However, they usually come out NEGATIVE.)

Well I planted the fake one on the counter and went back into the kitchen for the finishing touches on my meal and The Hubs yelled, quite calmly from the bathroom, "Hey Kell, are you planning on having a Coke with dinner?" "Yes," I replied. "Well, maybe you shouldn't," he said. He saw the positive test and was very excited. :0

Well I should have told him April Fool's right then, but I let it go on through dinner, because I had it all planned out that I was going to tell him after dinner. For some reason that seemed important.

When HE finally realized it was the 1st of April, he said, "funny day to tell someone you're pregnant." Then proceeded to tell me one of his professors told the class, class was canceled and they could all go home, then followed with "April Fool's!" He complained that jokes are supposed to be bad news, followed with real, good news.
"Kinda like when your wife tells you she's pregnant and she's really not?" I said.
He stopped and said, "You wouldn't do that." At that point I wished I REALLY was pregnant and contemplated getting pregnant really quick so I wouldn't have to tell him, "yes I would, and I'm a terrible person."

Well when I told him I wasn't really pregnant, it was a joke, the man got teary-eyed and a little choked up, at which point I decided to crawl into a hole and never come out.
That's when he said, "I'll laugh about it someday." AHHHHH!
Hopefully that day is today??

Boo is "tough!"

2009-03-31T11:49:00.004-06:00

my all-american boo

2009-03-19T21:39:00.002-06:00

because i'm not good at keeping a journal, (which i reeeaaally feel bad about) i have to use this blog as such. so just a few little things about my grey that i never want to forget, even when i'm old and gray.

he hates getting his diaper changed to the point where i basically have to wrestle him to the ground and hold down his kicking legs. (maybe a little exaggerated, but, you get the point.) however, if i ask HIM to go get me a diaper to change his "bum" he runs into his bedroom excitedly, comes out with a diaper and lays down right in front of me. he doesn't know how to lay down on his back by himself, i don't think, because if i ask him to lay down, (instead of wrestle him to the ground. what a concept!) he lays on his stomach and i have to turn him onto his back. i love him.

the same usually works when i want to get him dressed, which he equally despises. if i ask him to go get me some clothes, he runs to his bedroom to pick something out of his drawers and lets me dress him!! a serious break-through, my friends.

juice is the all-meaning word for any type of beverage. whenever i say "are you thirsty, do you want something to drink?" he runs into the kitchen yelling "juicccce, juicccce," over and over until he has "juicccce" in hand.

he has been answering my questions lately. if i ask him if he's hungry he says "yes" or "yeah," then goes into the kitchen to find something in the cupboards, as if i usually make him gather his own food.

he now understands he is a separate person from me (although, still thinks we must always be doing the same thing at all times.) when we ask him "where's grey?" he pats his chest. so cute.

he has a temper. (yikes.) this isn't too surprising if you know his parents. :) poor guy didn't have a chance. we are currently in the process of taming it. we'll tell you how it goes.
whenever he gets hurt, (hits his head, falls) he has to hit the in-adamant object several times, while saying "don't!" over and over again. he also really enjoys throwing anything across the room, he knows he's not supposed to have. (cell phone, cups full of coke!) and when i say "no, no grey" he just tilts his head to the side and smiles, caking on the charm.

he is deathly afraid of the word "hot." he knows if it comes out of the microwave it is "hot" and he yells it until i convince him it is ok to eat. he also yells the word "hot" repeatedly while i am cooking over the stove.
if he gets too close to the hot stove, (which i am convinced was initially made for people who once lived in the land of oz) i say "hot" and he darts to the other side of the room, sometimes on the verge of tears.

and, drum roll please..... he snaps! not kidding, and i have no idea how he learned it. we certainly don't have afternoon snapping lessons at our house. i was brushing my teeth one morning and grey was sitting on his dad's lap eating cereal. all of the sudden i hear brock say, "whoa. he just snapped." haha, i didn't believe him. and then the other day i was snapping to a song i was singing to him and he started snapping along. and i'm not talking uncoordinated, baby moving his fingers together snapping, but real, legit snapping. it makes noise! i know i am making way too big of a deal about this, but it cracks me up. brock came home yesterday for lunch and i was on the couch laughing my head off while he was snapping. he's really serious when he does it. i have it on camera for a split second and i'm tempted to post it, because i know you don't believe me. :)

he is the most affectionate little baby in the world and his hugs make everything unimportant disappear. he is the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and i am so lucky to have the opportunity to have such a special person in my life.

2009-03-17T16:18:00.001-06:00

completely logical

2009-03-10T22:52:00.005-06:00

Boo's favorite game remains throwing EVERYTHING into the trash. This is where everything must go, it's only logical. And I have to admit, it makes me a little crazy.
Last week, The Hubs and I could not find the remote anywhere. We seriously ripped the house apart, as technology is so far advanced we cannot turn our television on without it....interesting.
We looked, of course, through all our garbage cans, closets, cupboards, fridge, EVERYWHERE. We came to the conclusion that t.v. was no longer an option.
The day before garbage day, I had a brilliant thought: the outdoor garbage can! We must check the outdoor garbage! So I made Brock. hehe.
As he made his way through the week-long supply of filth, layer by layer, this is what he fashioned:

one sock,

oooo, another sock to make a match! (both soaked in coke. yummy!)

three brand new sponges,

one pair of Grey's jeans

and duh, dun, duh, duh:

one remote control!

I guess you could say that was a worth-while trip through the garbage. We may have to make this a weekly ritual.

On another note: My son is a nut.
He took a three-and-a-half hour nap this morning and when he woke up, he was in such a good mood, with so much energy!
Another favorite game of his is to pile all his toys in different places around the house and carry them around in baskets or bags. He's always dragging something behind him. Cute, but honestly! When does he start to learn to put a toy away before he gets another one out. Isn't someone supposed to teach him this??
Today he kept shutting himself in his bedroom and thought it was so funny. I thought for sure he'd get scared and cry, but no he laughed instead.
I actually started working on my computer for a little bit and then realized it was way too quiet. So I opened his door, only to find him sitting on the floor, looking at a book. That had to have been the longest he sat down all day.

my... sick little boy?

2009-02-26T11:35:00.008-07:00

Disclaimer: This post started out as an update for family and friends and became a little deeper than I anticipated. So read with caution. :)

My little baby spent the night in the hospital the night before last, because of seizures he had due to a fever spike. Very scary. He had his first (I hope ONLY) ride in an ambulance. He didn't love it. He endured all sorts of tests, including a spinal tap and chest x-rays to check for meningitis and pneumonia. Both came back negative. phew! He also had his little nose suctioned out to check for influenza and RSV and a few others I've never heard of. Those tests came back negative.

The doctors have no idea what caused the fevers except that his white blood cell count is quite high and he has fluid on his lungs. So apparently he is a medical mystery. :)
Now, I have to give a disclaimer because comparatively to some, including my own brother who has CHARGE Syndrome, my Boo, thankfully, is generally healthy as can be. However, no matter what pain and discomfort your child is experiencing, your whole body and soul hurt for them and wish you could take it away and bear it yourself.

Waiting in the ER while doctors told me nothing was wrong with my son who turned blue at home while throw-up drizzled down his cheeks and continued to, to the point only stomach fluid was coming out, watching him try to sleep on my lap and feeling his little body continue to shake and tremble, I wasn't about to accept that as an answer.
Those who know me understand I don't have a problem sticking up for myself and others... except when it comes to medical professionals. Well, long story short, I got over my intimidation pretty quickly that night. Our ER doctor was pretty rude, treating me like I was a crazy mom who was making things up about my child. I gave him a piece of my mind and demanded more answers. After about five hours in the ER he came back telling us (in so many words that didn't include an actual apology) that he had diagnosed him too quickly and would strongly suggest, due to the fluid on his lungs, a spinal tap to check for meningitis which can be life threatening or neurologically altering for life. He said the chances were low for such a disease, but I have seen, first-hand, the effects of it and wasn't going to take any chances. I was nervous to put him under, but although the test came back negative, it was worth it. It was really hard to see him try and come out of his anesthesia because he was so confused, but other than that, he has had no negative side-effects from the procedure and we can sleep at night knowing he's OK.

They finally admitted him into the hospital at about 1:30 a.m. and I had to try and help Grey sleep amidst all the cords and needles attached to him. Needless to say, neither of us slept that night.

Watching him tangled up in all those cords, I began thinking of my own parents who had to endure years and years of watching their baby from a distance, helpless, as doctors preformed test after painful test to find answers. I can't count the times they watched him being driven away in ambulances, not knowing whether or not he would make it to the hospital, let alone home again.

Four years he lived in the hospital after he was born and years and years after that, making frequent visits back where staff greeted my family by name. Because of this I am completely comfortable in hospitals. To be honest, I like them. In a way they feel like home to me and am comforted to be there. So when Boo got admitted, I thought it would be easy, but it wasn't. Every little procedure and process hurt me. I hated having to hold him down while a stranger poked at him. He just understood it as someone hurting him and couldn't understand why I wasn't helping him. That broke my heart.

I can't tell you how many times I had to suction my little brother's trachea out, growing up, and it NEVER bothered me. When I had to hold Boo down while they shoved a tube up his nose to suction it out, I couldn't even watch.

I slept with him in his gigantic crib. Aside from everything else, we had a pretty good time together. He was such a good boy and didn't complain too much. I think he was a little emotional because he kept giving me hugs and kisses for no reason. He was just happy I was there with him. I love him so much it is physically painful. To my surprise I love him more now than I did before and I didn't think that was possible. I'm just very, very thankful for every moment I have with him.

He is so happy to be home and is up walking around. He's still not feeling great, but he's much better. He's really clingy to me still and won't let me out of his sight. But I kind of feel the same way. :)

I have to say, I have amazing friends. The day it happened, I had my two friends, Amelia and Candida with me and they have been so supportive. Amelia came to the ER, the second time we were there that day, and brought us dinner because she knew we hadn't eaten. She also brought me another change of clothes since I ran out the door without changing after being thrown up on. She then came again after putting her babies to bed, to let The Hubs leave to study for his test the next morning. She stayed until midnight with me. And early the next morning came bearing a change of clothes, shampoo, a blow-dryer, face wash, basically anything she could think of to make me more comfortable. She stayed until noon and then came back at six to bring Grey and me home because The Hubs was at a meeting. She is one-in-a-million and I am so blessed to know her.

Candida offered to stay with me at the hospital through the day and also had a hot dinner waiting for us when we got home. She came over today and hung out with me all day which was really nice.

My parents came all the way from Farmington to visit Boo. They brought him a huge toy truck. And they brought me some really yummy See's chocolates. He was so excited to see them.
I am so blessed to have such incredible friends and family.

After this little experience, I have gained a great respect for those of you with children who require regular hospital visits. It is so hard to watch your children suffer. I will always be grateful for my healthy child.

Thank you for all your love and concern! We're doing great now!

Here are a few pictures that were taken the morning after he was admitted. Sorry about the quality. They're taken with Brock's cell phone because I didn't get my camera until later that night.

He hated his name tag. It caused him more trouble than anything, I swear! I finally had to take it off him because he obsessed about it.

His cage.

Grey perfected the art of the star tower. Our time was well spent. :)

He got to play in the toy room and couldn't be happier. I think he's feeling a bit better. :)

Again with the name tag obsession

This picture melts my heart.

"We're late, we're late, for a very important date!"

2009-02-23T11:38:00.005-07:00

As some of you may know, Alice In Wonderland is my all-time favorite Disney cartoon. It is so imaginative and fantastic. I have always loved it and cannot wait until I have a little girl who will love it as much as me.

Well my sisters, nieces, mom and I had our own little "very important date," Friday and it was so much fun! Not quite like the Mad Hater tea party, but a little more refined.

There is the CUTEST little place in downtown Farmington called 'Teas n' You' where they serve lunch, dinner and tea, of course. You can even make reservations for a tea party where they put you in this beautifully decorated tea room dressed with chiffon, doilies and enough pink to make you forget boys actually exist!

The room is also complete with dress up clothes, hats and tiaras, so you can pretend to be the Queen of England for a day while sipping the most divine tea you've ever tasted.

With your very own pot of tea, you also get an assortment of finger sandwiches, such as cucumber and egg salad, a fruit plate, a cheese and cracker plate, soup, the most decadent scones ever! and sorbet and cheese cake for desert.
It was such a fun experience. I highly recommend it! And hurry, because of the economy, it's questionable whether of not they'll be able to stay in business!

Isn't my mom just the cutest thing ever?! She makes me happy.

Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?

2009-02-18T08:36:00.006-07:00

Ummm...yes that is my baby shoving the Valentine's chocolates, he and his dad gave me, into his mouth like mad, before they get taken away. What a little stink!
He brought me the box of beautifully wrapped SEE's chocolates (my favorite!!) and after HE unwrapped them began saying, "Eh, eh!" in a panic. So I gave him a chocolate and I looked down only to see him shoving the entire thing in his mouth at once. This is how I feel about them as well, so I couldn't blame him. And while attempting to chew the gigantic thing, he reached for another. The apple didn't fall far from the tree, apparently.

For our very snowy Valentine's Day, The Hubs and I took Grey on a little sleigh ride. I inherited a baby sled from a friend in the spousal association and we finally got to use it. We pulled him up to a pond on campus where there are lots of duckies for him to look at. He really liked being pulled in the sled until his dad starting running. It wasn't the speed that scared him, so much as the cold, icy snow flying from The Hubs' shoes onto his face, he didn't appreciate.
I love both my Valentines oh so much! It was such a fun day.

Boo refuses to smile for the camera. He's not a typical photographer's kid. He goes the opposite direction whenever the camera comes out and refuses to look at me. He's supposed to LOVE getting his picture taken!

That night The Hubs and I went to a game night that the association put together for the MBA students and their spouses. It was pretty fun. Good food and good company. We then went to a movie with one of our favorite couples, Amelia and Ryan. I will not tell which one because I am embarrassed to say I saw it twice. Sorry Amelia!

I hope you all had a sexy and sassy Valentine's Day!

In case you were wondering...

2009-02-09T20:04:00.004-07:00

This is what it looks like when you leave a 1-year-old alone with creamed corn and a spoon for a minute and 23 and-a-half seconds.

New year, new logo.

2009-02-04T11:28:00.008-07:00

So I have a new logo. I've been wanting to do this for awhile now, but haven't been able to find the time. So I stayed up late last night and came up with something I'm pleased with.
I wanted to say thank you! to all of you who have included my photography blog in your list of friends and family. I was wondering if you would go a step further and post my logo on your blog as a sidebar with a link to my website. I would be so appreciative!!!

****To show my appreciation, the first 5 PEOPLE TO POST MY LOGO ON THEIR BLOG (with a link to www.atouchofgreyphotography.com when clicked on) WILL RECEIVE 20 percent off a session sitting fee with me, and a free 8X10 of a photo of your choice from the sitting!****

To do so, send an e-mail to greyphotography@yahoo.com with a link to your blog.

Instructions: right click on logo and "save as" to your computer. Then go to "add gadget" and load it as a picture. Simple!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Epiphany...

2009-01-31T15:04:00.006-07:00

I have been wanting to write this post for a couple weeks now and keep finding ways to put it off. Well Grey is sleeping and Brock is at school studying, so I had better use my time wisely. :)
About two weeks ago a light bulb turned on in my head - Grey understands everything I am saying to him! Well almost everything, but that goes for everyone. :)
I realized this when Grey brought me a book. The same one I have mentioned in a previous post, "Doggies." It is multiple variations of dog barks. That's it. Nothing else. Ahhhhh! If you recall in that same post I wondered what would happen if I refused to read the same book for the gagillionth time. Well I tried it. We were sitting in the living room and he handed me the book, saying "Eh, eh, eh!" I told him, "Mommy doesn't want to read that book AGAIN. Go into your room and find a different book and I'll read it to you." (My mom thought this was a really mean experiment, borderline child abuse. She literally scolded me, her 25-year-old daughter saying, "You read that boy any book he wants and it doesn't matter how many times!" Sorry mom.)I thought this refusal would be met with a serious tantrum, but he looked at me quizzically for a minute, set the book down and disappeared. Me: "hmm, that's weird." Soon enough he returned from his bedroom with a completely different book, once again, holding it out saying his usual, "eh, eh, eh!" "He understood what I said?"
I was really blown away. I know this may sound silly to most of you mother veterans, but I think this epiphany is a lot like some other milestones in our lives. Such as, realizing that our parents aren't perfect beings, sent here from some alternate planet only to be our parents and had no life before us. Sorry parents.
Before that little experience with Grey I didn't give the poor guy any credit, thinking he wasn't catching on to anything I was saying. Now I just know he's stubborn.
As a parent, we think it's important to show people that our kid knows where his eyes, nose and mouth are, and an occasional belly and head. It seems if we don't teach them this very important information when they're 12-months-old or younger, they'll never figure it out! They'll be putting food in their eyes and won't know which end of the phone to talk into. Well my kid would never do this. So I was sure he was destined for a life of hardship. But apparently he knows exactly what he is doing.
I'm blown away by how much he knows and understands.

Since then he pretty much takes care of himself, changes his own diapers, cooks his own dinners, etc. We're currently working on finding him a full time job to help pay rent.

Where you goin' in that dress-1982?

2009-01-28T12:27:00.009-07:00

Last night we visited the 80's, with the rest our friends in Brock's program. And what better way to visit the 80's than roller skating?
My friend Amelia, whom I LOVE! (she cracks me up!) inherited a bag full of amazingly disgusting prom dresses from the 80's, so that is exactly what we wore. Mine was a little more Shelly Long on Troop Beverly Hills and a little less Never Been Kissed, Drew Barry Moore (Amelia). Doesn't her dress scream, being egged the night of prom by your fake prom date?? If you haven't seen it, watch it!
We were dripping with unfortunateness-is that a word? :)
The most unfortunate thing is that the bright green shirt Brock is wearing is right out of his closet. yikes.
The tag on my dress read: "Hand wash and drip dry." Drip dry? haha. Not to be confused with hang dry. That made me laugh. But when I took off my dress I realized it hadn't been dripped dry or even washed since it was worn two decades ago (please help the person who ever wore it for real!) because the thing had huge pit stains!! Bright yellow! So gross. Awwwee, pit stains from the 80's. What could be more authentic?
Thanks for getting me ready Amelia! I had a blast! Pit stains and all!

Amelia Bedilia: far right, Briawna: middle.

I'm a REAL boy!

2009-01-21T14:28:00.002-07:00

I just made the jump, or purchase, if you will that will take me to the next step as a photographer. I have been saving and hoping and researching and finally bought a Nikon D300! For those of you who don't know, this is a significant upgrade from my previous SLR. It was a great one to learn on and it was/is a really good camera, but my needs have outgrown it.
I just got it a couple days ago and have had so much fun playing with it! My images are so much more crisp, along with other advantages.
I have a shoot on Saturday, so I thought I'd take Grey out for a quick shoot, to get me comfortable using my new diggs.
Thanks to everyone who has been so supportive of my photography business! I'm so thrilled and appreciative of all your referrals and shout-outs on your blogs. It is going so well and I'm excited about what's to come!

playing is hard work

2009-01-20T21:32:00.007-07:00

I just thought I'd post (a few) of my favorite photos I took of Grey playing today. This is pretty much a typical day. Play hard and work hard are the same thing in my world. He plays, I work. (cleaning up after him!) I do encourage him to help me clean up, by singing the "clean up" song. He sings with me now and it's hilarious. He can't talk.
He's obsessed with books, lately. Three or four in particular. Two little Christmas books I bought last year for a buck a piece, "Barn Yard Dance" and "We're Going to Catch a Bear," which is kind of an adorable book, by the way. And not to be forgotten, Brock's favorite, "Doggies," which is solely multiple variations of dog barks.
About every 15 seconds he's coming at me, "uh, uh, uh!" Holding a book out in front of him, frantically. I've wondered what might happen if I decide I don't want to read the same book for the 30 trillionth time. But no, I read on. The animation and excitement in my voice fades as the day goes on and by about 5 p.m. I sound similar to Dr. Phil, or a broken record.
We do love to play though!

I think I'm in love...

2009-01-15T11:50:00.006-07:00

I took some pictures of Grey's girlfriend, Sienna because she is turning 1 this week. Aren't they the most precious?! Grey was giving her lots of loves. He's quite the ladies man.

And last, but not least... I kind of laughed my head off when I saw this picture. They started to hug and apparently Grey was a tad too heavy for little Sienna. I love both their expressions of terror and "oh crap!" (Grey). They are holding on to each other so tight. haha.